Here you go - Another essay to rate - Hope am not bombarding you guys

[Sudhatr]

Imagine you are preparing for a trip. You plant to be away from your home for a year. In additional to clothing and personal care items, you can take one additional thing. What would you take and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Holidays are the best part of the year. Vocations are phase in the year which helps you to unwind from monotonous routine. It charges you completely. I make it a point that I work hard rest of the year so as to make my trip truly memorable. And for the same how can a vocation be complete without an equipment to record it. Yes, the additional thing i would love to carry along during my vocation is my Apply I Phone.

Firstly, I Phone helps me to record all the events that I had witness. It helps me to click all the exotic visuals that my eyes were able to capture. With the advance in technology, I need just not stop at clicking stills but record video clips as well. Video clips help me to store the emotions and the experience of the very moment. Moreover the camera acts like a time machine. Coming back from the vocation, the camera helps me to go back to the same world and same mind frame umpteen number of time. And ensure that the memories remain fresh in my mind forever.

Secondly, I Phone helps me to instantly share my photos with my near and dears. I can keep shooting pictures and upload in the websites. This will help my friends to keep track of my trip. In addition this will also help my near and dears to get a glimpse of the new place. I strongly believe that nothing can give more happiness than sharing your merry moments with your dear ones.

Thirdly, I can listen to my own collection of music during transit. Nothing in the world is as soothing as a good music. I am voracious listener of music. I like Indian classical music called Carnatic. An instrumental music by Mr. Lalgudi Jayaraman is hear piercing and an instant energiser.

Thus Apple I Phone will be a great companion to me. It will help me not only in recording and sharing my happy moments but also in remaining serene and clam throughout the journey.

TOEFL listening discussions: How does Dr Beech characterize the assistantship?

[Kitosdad]

Holidays are the best part of the year. Vocations are phaseS in the year THAT HELP you to unwind from A monotonous routine. It charges you completely. I make it a point /that I/TO/ work hard THE rest of the year so as to make my trip truly memorable.
And for the same REASON how can a vocation be complete without an equipment to record it. Yes, the additional thing i would love to carry along during my vocation is my Apply I Phone.

Firstly, AN I Phone helps me to record all the events that I /had/HAVE/ witnessED.
It helps me to click all the exotic visuals that my eyes were able to capture. With the advance in technology, I /need just not stop/DO NOT HAVE TO BE SATISFIED/at clicking stills but /I AM ABLE TO/CAN/record video clips as well.
Video clips help me to store the /emotions/MEMORIES/ and the experience of the very moment. Moreover the camera acts like a time machine. Coming back from the vocation, the camera helps me to go back to the same world and same frame OF MIND /umpteen number of timeS/OVER AND OVER AGAIN/. THIS ensureS that the memories remain fresh in my mind forever.

Secondly, AN I Phone helps me to instantly share my photos with my nearEST and dearEsT. I can keep shooting pictures and upload ONTO the websites. This will help my friends to keep track of my trip. In addition this will also help my nearEST and dearEsT to get a glimpse of the new place I AM SEEING/VISITING. I strongly believe that nothing can give more happiness than sharing your /merry/MEMORABLE/ moments with your dear ones.

Thirdly, I can listen to my own collection of music during transit. Nothing in the world is as soothing as a good music. I am A voracious listener of music. I like Indian classical music called Carnatic. An instrumental music by Mr. Lalgudi Jayaraman is EAR- piercing and an instant energiser.

Thus AN Apple I Phone will be a great companion /to/FOR/TO HAVE/ WITH me. It will help me not only in recording and sharing my happy moments, but also in remaining serene and clam throughout the journey.
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Kitos. I edit around forty essays each day, both here and privately, so it is no bother to do yours. Don't forget that quantity is no substitute for quality though.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Sudhatr]

Thanks again Kitos. How would you rate my essay in the scale of 5?

[Kitosdad]

3/5 Could do with being a lot better.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Sudhatr]

What about my other essays?

[Sudhatr]

Hi Kitos ! .. I completely agree with your statement that quantity is no substitute for quality, however my exam is on the 13th ... so want to make maximum use of it

[Kitosdad]

I have sent you a PM.

I'd rate them all at 60%.

Kitos.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.