 #2 (permalink) Tue Mar 09, 2010 1:59 am give me afeedback after reading it. |
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Hi,
according to my knowledge, I highlighted the suspect parts in green. So, the final essay is something like this:
:)
| Meghagan wrote: |
If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.
Entertainment is such a powerful medium because of which that a person in any condition can manage to be happy for a while.
During to watch a movie, he forget every worries that he had faced in his stressful life. Entertainer has a very difficult job to make people get involved in his show. It might be in forms of singing, acting, or joking. If I have got an opportunity to meet a famous person then I would like to meet Sharuk Khan. Pasban: He's a famous Indian actor, I think. :)
I would like to see him, because he is my favorite hero. Since I have born, I have grown up watching his movies. He is dedicating a person who devotes all his time for his work and family. He is one of the famous personalities from India, and the richest person. still He has a strong incentive to work days and nights.
He is a good person by nature. He respects all human regardless of color, rich, or poor. He started his carrier in very early age. When he came to Mumbai, he went by one tough year with no relative and even no friend. After striving hard, he got a job as an TV actor in a TV serial called 'Circus.' His acting carrier stared from there. He got famous from 'Circus.' He had no father to encourage him. He worked very, very hard, and got such name and fame. He has played in thousands of films, which bring them awards because of his acting in them.
To sum up with, I like to meet Sharuk Khan, because he is a diligent, determinant, , professional, and good actor. |
-Salivan
P.S.
I applied some corrections, because I thought that they were wrong. It took me about three hours! However, there are other teachers that surely will help you and me to write better essays. Ho, I'm not a teacher :)
P.P.S
I hope that you meet this cute actor soon. Don't forget to ask him to sign a paper or me, too! |
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 Pasban110
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 31 Aug 2009
Posts: 647
Location: Tabriz city, Iran
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| #3 (permalink) Tue Mar 09, 2010 5:19 am give me afeedback after reading it. |
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| Meghagan wrote: |
If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that
be, and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your
choice
Entertainment is such a powerful medium because of which the person in any condition can manage to be happy for a while.
During watching movies, he forget every worries, he is facing in his stressful life. Entertainer has very difficult job to make people get involve with them. May be that may be in forms of singing, comedy and acting. If I would get an opportunity to meet famous personality then I would like to meet sharuk khan.
Firstly, I like to began/START with saying I like to meet him because he is my favorite hero. Since I WAS born, I have grown up with watching his movie. He is A dedicated person who devotes whole time for/IN his work and family. He is one of the famous personalities from India and the richest person still he has strong incentive to work whole day and night.
Secondly, he is a good person by nature. He respect all human WHO may be rich or poor. He started this carrier in very early age. When he came to mumbai he has no relatives, no friend there. He has/HAD to stay on foot path for 1year. After striving hard he got job in acting in tv serial called “Circus” AND his acting carrier stared from here. He got recognized from his work in “Circus. He had no god father with him who would had promoteD him. He worked very, very hard and got such name and fame. He has worked in thousandS of films which had owe him many award for his acting in it.
To sum up with, I like to meet sharuk khan because he is hard-working, determinED, good actor and good human being by nature. |
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Jed
I'm new here and I like it ;-)
Joined: 08 Mar 2010
Posts: 24
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