Toefl® essay: Smoking is banned in public places - Good rule or bad rule?

[Love_English0405]

Here is my essay. Please check it for me. Any comments are welcomed. Thank you in advance.

Topic 154: In some countries, people are not allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position.


Since smoking causes many bad effects in our society, it must be banned in public places and office building and I agree with the rule of banning it. Smoking can affects the women’s, children’s health and the smokers, lower the living standards of our society and pollute the environment.

For one thing, public places are always crowded with people from all ages so there are more people affected by smoke, especially the women and young children. Women and children have a weaker immune system than men while second-hand smoking has been proved to cause more serious health problems than first-hand smoking. The people who breathe the smoke may get lung cancer or have some respiratory problems for a long time. The smokers on their own also become weaker and easily having these diseases.

The bad effects are not just that. Young people who see adults smoking everyday may imitate them. Dangerously, some of them think that it is the sign of becoming mature, which makes them start smoking earlier to satisfy the feeling of being a adult. Their health must be worse gradually while they are the main source of the labour force. Therefore, the efficiency and productivity in many fields of careers is decreased, which leads to a poorer society with the lack of high standard products and facilities for an comfortable life. In addition, the medicine and treatmen fee for the people who are prey to smoking are so large that it takes a large sum of money of the government while these money can be used for other purpose like supporting the education, inventing new machines.

Smoking can also pollute the environment. Although the amount of smoke from this source is not as much as from cars, motobikes, our atmosphere can also be worse if it still receives such kind of smoke. The less we smoke, the cleaner air we have.

In conclusion, I think the rules of banning smoking in public places and office buildings are really beneficial to all of us because it save more people from having lung cancer, save more money for the government and save the environment.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why is Carlos Finlay significant?

[Babo]

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Never give up trying, if you want to achieve something in life.

[Kitosdad]

Since smoking causes many bad effects in our society, it /must/HAS BEEN/ be banned in public places and office buildingS, and I agree with the rule of banning it. Smoking can affects THE HEALTH OF WOMEN, CHILDREN AND THE SMOKER'S THEMSELVES.//the women’s, children’s health and the //
Smokers lower the living standards of our society and pollute the environment.

For one thing, public places are always crowded with people /from/OF/ all ages so there are more people affected by smoke, especially the women and young children.
Women and children have a weaker immune system than men, while second-hand smoking has been proved to cause more serious health problems than first-hand smoking. The people who breathe the smoke may get lung cancer or have some respiratory problems for a long time. The smokers on their own also become weaker and easily /having/CONTACT/ these diseases.

The bad effects /are not just that/DON'T END THERE/. Young people who see adults smoking everyday may imitate them.
Dangerously, some of them think that it is the sign of becoming mature, which makes them start smoking earlier to satisfy the feeling of being a adult.
Their health /must be worse/WORSENS/ gradually,AND IT SHOULD BE REALISED THAT THEY/ while they are the main source of the labour force. Therefore, the efficiency and productivity in many fields of careers is decreased, which leads to a poorer society with the lack of high standard products and facilities for A comfortable life.
In addition, the medicine and treatmenT feeS for the people who are prey to smoking are so large that it takes a large sum of money FROM the government PURSE /while these money can/WHICH COULD/ be used for other purposeS, like supporting the education AND /inventing new machines/ ENCOURAGING NEW TECHNOLOGIES/.

Smoking can also pollute the environment. Although the amount of /smoke/POLLUTION/ from this source is not /as much as /AS GREAT AS THAT EMITTED FROM/cars OR motoRbikes, our atmosphere can also be worseNED if it still receives such kind of smoke. The less we smoke, the cleaner air we have.

In conclusion, I think the rules of banning smoking in public places and office buildings are really beneficial to all of us, because THEY save more people from having lung cancer, save more money for the government and HELP IN IMPROVING the environment.
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An interesting and intelligent essay. Thank you. 8/10

Kitos.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Babo]

Since smoking have HAS many bad effects on our society, so (I) agree with it that it must be banned in public places and office buildings. Smoking can affect the HEALTH OF women and childREN health thus lowering the living standards of our society and polluting the environment.

For one thing, public places are always crowded with people from OF all ages so MANY more people are BEING affected by smoke, especially the women and young children. Women and children have a weaker immune system than men, while second-hand smoking has been proved PROVEN to BE THE cause OF more serious health problems than first-hand smoking. The people who DO smoke may get lung cancer or have some respiratory problems for a long time. They also become weak and easily get DEVELOP cardiovascular diseases.

In spite of THE above, young people who see adults smoking every day may be imitate by them. Terribly STRANGELY enough, some of them think that it is the A sign of THEM becoming mature, which makes them start smoking earlier SIMPLY to satisfy the feeling of being an adult.
Consequently their health goes down.

The efficiency and productivity in many fields of careers is decreased leading to a poorer society lacking high standards and facilities for a comfortable life. In addition, the medicine and treatments expenditures for PROVIDED TO the smokers are so high that it will cost more to the government.

Smoking can also pollute the environment. Though the amount of smoke from this source is not as much as from cars or other auto-mobiles, still our atmosphere can be worseN if it CONTINUES TO receive such kind THIS TYPE of smoke. The less we smoke, the cleaner air we WILL have TO BREATHE.

In conclusion, I think the rules of banning smoking in public places and office buildings are really beneficial for all of us, because it will save more people from having lung cancer, save more money for the government and HELP save the environment.
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Not a bad essay Babo. Babo, I have sent you a private message. To read it click on the link at the top of the page that says, "You have 1 new message.

Kitos.
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Never give up trying, if you want to achieve something in life.

[Love_English0405]

Thank you, Kitos

[Babo]

thank you Kitos,i really appreciate it . i ll write and send you some more essays please grade me out of ten . i have my toefl test next month(april 2010).
_________________
Never give up trying, if you want to achieve something in life.