TOEFL® ESSAY: EFFECTS OF THE FASHION TO YOUTH.

[Capone_35]

Fashion has now become unseparate part of youth. Fashion effects to our lives by getting us involved something new. Maybe it depends on the weather or seasonal change.
In my opinion, there are two points positive and negative effects of fashion on youth. First of all, I could say about positive effects of fashion, that girls or boys use of fashion to attract representatives of their contrary part. For example, every young people want to have fashionable dressing couple. They pay attention to one another clothes, hairstyle, jewellery and so on. By this way, they seem having attractive appearance and give pleasure each others. Thus, it cause good relation between them.
After looking at this example, we can see obviously advantage part of fashion for youth. In spite of previous example, we can point out negative effect. At present, youth think only new fashion and this cause spending much money. Therefore, they are not able to take notice other needs. As a matter of fact, my friends or group mates dispense their profits to clothes, hair style and others. Eventually, they are obliged to borrow money from their friends. For instance, clearly shows, that to pursue just the fashion take out hopeless result.
As a result, here to elicit advantage and disadvantage effects of fashion on youth’s life. Every youngster must know this, if they keep with the fashion, they must do it according their opportunities.
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TOEFL listening lectures: In October of which year did Vaudeville officially appear?

[Capone_35]

please, evaluate it

[Kitosdad]

Fashion has now become AN INSEPARABLE part of youth. Fashion effects to our lives by getting us involved IN something new. Maybe it depends on the weather or seasonal change.
In my opinion, there are two points; positive and negative effects of fashion on youth. First of all, I could say about positive effects of fashion that girls or boys use of fashion to attract representatives of their contrary part.
For example, every young people PERSON wantS to have BE fashionable. dressing couple.
A COUPLE pay attention to one anotherS clothes, hairstyle, jewellery and so on. IN this way, they seem having BOTH HAVEattractive appearanceS and give pleasure TO each other.
THEREFORE it cause CREATES A good relationSHIP between them.
After looking at this example, we can see THE obvious advantageOUS part of fashion IN youth.

In spite of THE previous POSITIVE example, we SHOULD NOW point out THE negative effect.
At present, youthS think only ABOUT new fashionS and this causeS THEM TO SPEND TOO much money. Therefore, they are not able to take notice OF THEIR other needs.
As a matter of fact, my friends or group mates SQUANDER their profits ON clothes, hair style and other THINGS.
Eventually, they are obliged to borrow money from their friends. THIS clearly shows, that to pursue just fashion RESULTS IN A hopeless SITUATION.

//As a result, here to elicit advantage and disadvantage effects of fashion on youth’s life.// (What is this supposed to mean???)

Every youngster must know this, if they INTEND keepING ABREAST with the fashion, they must do it according their opportunities AND FINANCES.
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Sorry Capone, this was SO badly written. Avoid using long words when you are unsure of their meaning. Use shorter, more interesting sentences.
Do not despair. You will improve the more you write. It's early days for you.

Kitos. 6/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Paranoid]

Fashion has now become AN ESSENTIAL part of THE YOUNGER GENERATION.Fashion effects to our lives by getting us involved something new. Maybe it depends on the weather or seasonal changeS.
In my opinion, FASHION IMPACT BOTH POSITIVELY AND NEGATIVELY ON HUMANKIND.
----- First of all,girls or boys use THE fashion IN ORDER TO attract THE representatives of their contrary . For example, YOUNGSTERS want to have BOTH ATTRACTIVE AND WELL-DRESSING couple. They pay attention ON clothes, hairstileS, jewellerIES and so on. By this way, they seem having AN attractive appearance and give pleasure each others. Thus, it causeS A good relation between them.
After looking at this example, we can see obviously THE CERTAIN advantage OF fashion for youth.
-----In spite of previous PARAGRAPH, we can point out negative effect OF FASHION,TOO. At THE present TIME, youth ONLY THINK ABOUT THE new fashion STILES and this causeS MONEY-WASTING ON IT. AS A RESULT, they are UNABLE to take notice other needs. As a matter of fact, my friends or group mates dispense their profits to THE clothes, hair styleS and I.E. Eventually, they are obliged to borrow money from their friends. For instance, IT IS clearly shows that FASHION CAUSE THE VITAL DRAWBACKS TO THE YOUTH
ALL THESE ILLUSTRATIONS THAT MENTIONED ABOVE POINT OUT THE BOTH BENEFITS AND DRAWBACKS OF FASHION.

You made a lot of errors and you essay contains so many omissions. try to keep it easy..do not translate ideas from you native language. It keeps your essay away from coherency...Use separate paragraphs in order to express you thoughts..

4/10,paranoid