toefl®® essay: classmates are more influence than parents on a child's success

[Jimmy83]

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Classmates are more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

In line with development of children, interaction between them and their around environment is concerned by people, because it decides potential child's success in school, in life generally. People argue that child's success is significantly affected by their classmates more than their parents. However, in my point of view, I believe that both classmates and parents have considerable influence on this equally. This essay is going to outline the issue in detail.

First of all, in contemporary society nowadays, children seem spend much time in school, therefore they can share many things in common; such as age, lifestyle, opinion, etc to exchange views, and then easy get impact each others. For example, I have a friend whose name is Jay. At the beginning of each academic year, we set up our common goals, share our studying method and knowledge. In the end, we got high marks in every academic year and then graduated with good bachelor degrees.

Next, parents also play a key role in the development of children on being success. Indeed, motivation of children tend to come from parents' care. For example, if parent usually monitor progress of children in their study at school, guide them about future career and talk to them about how important of studying to help them thoroughly about the benefits, they will become a good person, a successful person.

In conclusion, a child's success depend on several factors. Among these factors, parents and classmates are outstanding elements. They help children get their goals and the best results in school.

I would appreciate someone can help me to value how bad and good it is

Thanks

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and an employee in the student services center

[Kitosdad]

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Classmates are more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

In line with development of children, interaction between them and their SURROUNDING environment is GOVERNED by people, because THEY generally decide A child's potential success in school and life .
People argue that a child's success is significantly affected by their classmates more than by their parents. However, FROM my point of view, I believe that both classmates and parents have considerable influenceS on this equally. This essay is going to outline the issue in detail.

First of all, in contemporary society nowadays, children seem TO spend much MORE time in school, therefore they can share many things in common; such as age, lifestyle, opinion, etc to exchange views, and then IT BECOMES easy TO get impact EITH each other.

For example, I have a friend whose name is Jay. At the beginning of each academic year, we set up our common goals, AND share our studying methodS and knowledge.
In the end, we BOTH got high marks in every academic year and then graduated with good bachelor degrees.

Next, parents also play a key role in the development of children IN being successFUL. Indeed, motivation of children tendS to come from parents' care.

For example, if A parent usually monitorS THE progress of children in their study at school, AND guideS them about THEIR future careerS and talkS to them about THE importANCE of studying,THEN they will become a good PEOPLE, successful PEOPLE.

In conclusion, a child's success depend on several factors. Among these factors, parents and classmates are outstanding elements. They CAN help THEIR children TO ACHIEVE their goals and TO OBTAIN the best results in school.
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Well Jimmy, it certainly wasn't good. You probably speak as badly as you write. I would suggest that you do some serious reading. Your idea of forming an understandable sentence is well short of the mark.
This was an extremely poorly written essay. In spite of your obvious vocabulary strengths you managed to write an exceedingly frustrating essay.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Jimmy83]

Thank so much for your response immediately and your helpful advices. I am a little bit sad after I know how bad my skills English are from your review. Can you give me more detail in your suggest, "...some serious reading..." --> such as: newspaper or any kinds of books.... ???

[Kitosdad]

Jimmy, in spite of contradictory expert opinions, I would always suggest that you read English newspapers.

Short articles and no need to follow a story-line.

These you can access freely on-line, so you have no need to spend your cash.

Try www.dailymail.co.uk

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Demon]

Hi Kitos,
I just see this link to that website.
You know, i always try to read English but sometimes i do not understand the words because it is the economic phrase. How can I know the meaning?

[Jimmy83]

Thanks Kitos, you are my hero

[Kitosdad]

Hi Demon, you must look for items you already recognise and know something about. Concentrate on the easy things first until you feel comfortable with the topics.
Read about sport or films. Look at the top of the front page and click of things you enjoy.
Just knowing something about this subject will be of great help in your understanding what is being written.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Demon]

Thanks for your guild. I just read a book and I wrote " In my point of view", not "from my point of view". Resolve and solve has the same meaning so how do you distinguish the difference?

[Kitosdad]

"From my point of view", and "In my opinion," are both well-worn phrases that almost everyone uses. Your using them merely illustrates that you are well aware of their existence.

If you wish to use alternate phrasing, by all means do so.

"Resolve and solve HAVE the same meaning so how do you distinguish the difference?"

Sorry, I fail to agree with that comment.

Solve is to find a solution to a problem.

Resolve is to make a commitment to do something. eg, stop smoking, spitting, swearing.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Demon]

I check my dictionary and it tells me like what i say. I will remember this.
Thanks my friend.