Tell about a great leader in your country...

[Rinky]

Mahatma Gandhiji, who is the father of our nation. During 1940's our country was ruled by a British who treated our people with a cruel mind. Our country people were expecting a good leader. At that time Gandhiji came to our country, his words were filled with truth so our people believed in his words and they selected him as a leader of our nation. He had born and brought up in a well rich family, and also he was a lawyer.
Gandhiji followed a non-violence during the struggle period, which means fighting with words instead of using weapons. He used sathya graha, it shows that we should tell only the truth at any situation. Gandhiji wores only cotton clothes which had been made by Indians. He refused to buy or use a foreign products. All our people were combined together in a place called jalian vala bagh to attend a meeting to discuss about our country freedom but the British soldiers charged and criticized them. Our people were treated mercilessly. Many of our great leaders were died during the struggle period. Then Gandhiji was imprisoned for ten years, after that too he didnt give up his belief and confidence.
By seeing him, our people too decided to sacrifice their lives for our country freedom. From then they all were united to fight for our freedom. Then people followed the Gandhiji's words. After a small quarrel, again Gandhiji was imprisoned for six years. Many of our people have died during the British rule.
Finally, Gandhiji decided to fight with British soldiers through violence. Final struggle for freedom was started in 1942. During 1947, Gandhiji fought for freedom, finally he succeeded in it. Because of his persist hope, British gave our country to ourselves. So we call him as a father of our nation. He is one of our great leader and also a wonderfull person, we all like him a lot.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a professor and a departmental secretary

[Kitosdad]

Mahatma Gandhiji, who is the father of our nation. During 1940's our country was ruled by THEBritish who treated our people with a cruel mind. Our country people were expecting a good leader. At that time Gandhiji came to our country(.) His words were filled with truth so our people believed in his words and they selected him as a leader of our nation. He WAS born and brought up in a VERY rich family, and also he was a lawyer.
Gandhiji followed a non-violence CAMPAIGN during the struggle period, which means fighting with words instead of using weapons. He used sathya graha, it shows that we should tell only the truth at any situation. Gandhiji WORE only cotton clothes which had been made by Indians. He refused to buy or use a foreign products. All our people were combined together in a place called jalian vala bagh to attend a meeting to discuss about our country'S freedom(,) but the British soldiers charged and criticized them. Our people were treated mercilessly. Many of our great leaders were KILLED during the struggle period. Then Gandhiji was imprisoned for ten years, after that THOUGH he did NOT give up his belief and confidence.
By seeing him, our people too decided to sacrifice their lives for our country freedom. From then they all were united to fight for our freedom. Then people followed Gandhiji's words. After a small quarrel, again Gandhiji was imprisoned for six years. Many of our people have died during the British rule.
Finally, Gandhiji decided to fight THE British soldiers WITH violence. THE final struggle for freedom was started in 1942. During 1947, Gandhiji fought for freedom, AND finally he succeeded in it. Because of his persistANT hopeS BritAIN gave our country BACK to US. So we call himTHE father of our nation. He WAS one of our great leaderS and also a wonderful person(.) We all likeD him a lot.
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Rinky, this should have been a good essay but it wasn't because your thoughts were totally disorganised. You must first list all the points you wish to make, and then follow each point to its conclusion. You jumped all over the place.

Kitos. 7.5/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Rinky]

Thanks Kitos.. I was little bit confused while arranging the sentences.. Am not very good at my English Kitos.. But still am preparing to improve myself.. What do you think about my English?? Is it quiet satisfied or need more efforts???

[Kitosdad]

No, it is pretty good, but you do need to organise your thoughts before beginning to write.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Rinky]

Ya Kitos.. I do it from my next essays... Thank you.. Should i use more new vocabulary words in essays??

[Kitosdad]

Hello Rinky. If you have a large vocabulary, then utilise it to the best of your ability. However, many excellent essays have been written here by people with a limited vocabulary. Having a huge vocabulary isn't the "be all and end all" to writing good essays.
First you must outline all of the points you wish to make. Then arrange these points in order of importance in regard to what you are about to write. Make absolutely sure that you are certain about what you are going to write, and then, go right ahead and write it.
Use words whose meanin you are certain of. Never use "big" words where simple words will suffice.

In your conclusion embrace all of the salient points of your text in a concise fashion.
I feel you are an imaginative writer, but a poor organiser.We will get you there. Have no doubts. Just do your best, and we will do our best to improve you.

Kitos.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Rinky]

Thanks Kitos.. I will give my best..