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bad in writting (IELTS writting exercise) -need somebody to check .please help me



 
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bad in writting (IELTS writting exercise) -need somebody to check .please help me #1 (permalink) Fri Apr 30, 2010 5:05 am   bad in writting (IELTS writting exercise) -need somebody to check .please help me
 

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions about this?

Working is important in our life as part as our target and as well as our journey. However, irresponsible happened when children were forced to work under their willingness instead of some of them work because surrounding not support them to fulfill their needs.

As can be seen, some of poor countries such as India, Pakistan and Bangladesh especially in rural areas, many children engaged in some kind of paid work like labor workers, dispatch ,car washer and do small road business just to support their family and their salary as one of income to help family’s finance. The sad thing is, sometimes they have been wasted their childhood life and schooling, meanwhile they were taken the whole responsible on their shoulder and choose work path just to continue their lives for shelter, food and clothes. In addition, school seems not important to them because they just need money more than education to survive in this world.

Otherwise for urban areas or precisely developed countries such as Malaysia, Singapore, Australia and many others countries, schooling are compulsory for each civilian even government has given subsidy to education sector to reduce each family expenses and encourage them to improve their lives in many aspects. Despite of that, children are rarely engaged in paid work unless their chosen and willingness. Nevertheless, some children still ‘missing’ or spilled and choose to work because for easy money and were influenced by friends, and some of them think that as valuable working experiences and doing it as part time job just for learning process. It is understandable, some children fond work more than education due to less commitment.

In my opinion, only school will be able to possess them such a great knowledge, invaluable experiences with friends and teachers and enhance children skills and manners indirectly. Family as well important part to encourage their children going to school because that place, the children should be.
Azrah
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