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Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2)



 
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Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2) #1 (permalink) Mon May 17, 2010 15:07 pm   Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2)
 

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I have made another essay about the same topic. I hope that it would be much better.

Topic: Your school has received a gift money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Schools, especially public schools and foundations, are given financial assistance by different organizations. This is very common in the Philippines wherein a lot of schools lack resources for better learning. They must prioritize the needs of students in specific time frames and situations. They should start with allocating funds on books and computers and building new classrooms.

To start, authors of books updates almost every year, they edit minor errors or add some new trends or data to improve the learning of the readers. Schools must buy new books whenever there is an opportunity to do so. Also, they must increase the number of computers. Students must be able to adapt with the modernization of the society and should be prepared to be more competitive. Books and computers are very important to students, with this, they need to be taken into priority.

Another, classrooms, especially in provinces, are flooded, damaged by termites or just plainly old and needs to be replaced. Moreover, student population increases yearly, thus, the demand for classrooms also rises. It is a fact that in certain poor and uncivilized places, students do not have any choice where to do their classes. Some ends up taking classes in waiting sheds, and worse, under the shade of trees. Classrooms must be built in order to compensate with the increasing number of students.

To sum it up, school funds given through forms of gifts or donations should be allocated well. They need to compensate with what is currently needed. In my opinion, schools must focus their financial resources on updating reading materials and increasing their number of computers to help students be more educative, productive and competitive. In addition to that, the school should also take into consideration the physical needs of the campus or university. They need to maintain, build and rebuild educational facilities, like classrooms, to compensate with the needs of the populace.

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Clapicusrein
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Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2) #2 (permalink) Mon May 17, 2010 16:21 pm   Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2)
 

Hello Mr. Kitos, I am really having trouble with my essays, I hope that this time, I have done something better. I need to have an essay with at least 250-265 words in it which burdens me since I have to limit my topics and examples. Also, I always prevent using "I, we, us et cetera" (I forgot what they are called-- haha! anyway, I am a nurse and not an English teacher, so I think I can forget what they were called, though I need to really pass this exam in order for me to be eligible to work in New Zealand, UK and Australia)... I'm doing my best, I hope that I will be able to learn more.
Clapicusrein
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Joined: 11 May 2010
Posts: 23

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Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2) #3 (permalink) Mon May 17, 2010 17:07 pm   Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2)
 

Hello Clapicusrein. :-)) OK. they are called "Personal Pronouns." So, now you know.
I found your essay, and your narration to both be excellent. You covered the topic very well, giving good examples to support your opinion. Your voice is clear, and your pronunciation is pretty good, with only one or two mispronounced words.
If you find the topics a little difficult, then just try "free writing." Write about anything you wish. As long as it is grammatically sound along with spelling and sentence structure, then I can give you an honest opinion about it.
You certainly do not appear to have any problems, as far as I can see. Well done.

Kitos. 10/10*****
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Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2) #4 (permalink) Mon May 17, 2010 17:37 pm   Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2)
 

haha... actually i was supposed to say pronouns but i wasn't very much sure about what specific pronouns they were. Thank you Mr Kitos, I will be making a lot more essays and I hope I will maintain to have an excellent essay. This is my first. I need to have more excellent ones to be able to pass the IELTS. I am very particular with what I do because I wasn't very sure why I only got 6.5 on writing when I tried IELTS, I didn't know whether it's a problem on my writing skill or my penmanship. I know that I am fluent in english, although not that perfect. I need to do more and be at my best! Thanks!
Clapicusrein
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 11 May 2010
Posts: 23

Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part #5 (permalink) Mon May 17, 2010 17:54 pm   Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part
 

Hi Clapicusrein,
I like your such an improvement. you have done really well.
only a little revision to grammar

Quote:
Students must be able to adapt with the modernization


I think it should be " adapt to"

Quote:
compensate with


I think it schould be " compensate for"

I hope that it helps.
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Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2) #6 (permalink) Mon May 17, 2010 18:40 pm   Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best (Part 2)
 

i already have compensate on my other sentence, repeating words is not good on essays, but it is also correct. "adapt with" is also correct. Thanks!
Clapicusrein
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 11 May 2010
Posts: 23

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