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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people...



 
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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people... #1 (permalink) Fri May 21, 2010 13:36 pm   Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people...
 

Good morning kitos.

Please can you assess this essay.
Thank you in advance.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions.
Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Of course nowadays the salaries of celebrity figures have become far more high than ever before. The causes of this jump are several, it might be due to the improvement of the countries economy. I will clarify my point of view in the following lines.

Surprisingly, in these days many famous football players are gained unimaginable salaries, for instance, junior players like David beckham earn nearly 100 thousands per a week, in my opinion this is significantly exaggerated, even if they introduce a high performance. however, every person has different overview about this controversial subject.

Many people are jealouses and complain about this discrimination. They believe it is totally injustice and must be changed.

Many people raise some jokes about that, one of them is, it is implausible a person wear a pair of shoes can earn such a huge amount of money by playing a match for 2 hours.
Many talented and intelligent people suffer from the difficulties of life, in spite of their efforts they have made and their studies, so find it remarkably unfair, when a player without any knowledge or study, only with some training can earn far more than an ordinary people.

Other people think it is completely fair, because of several reasons that might justify this disagreement, one of them is the happiness that players give us when they win or achieve the success, and the feeling of their fans when they share them the same emotions, is it really amazing moments.
And without sport players life is too boring especially for sport entertainments.

To sum up, I totally disagree with this subject. it is unfair when we want to justify it from each aspect.These salaries seem extremely high to me.

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Samiralbayati
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 01 Feb 2010
Posts: 121

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people #2 (permalink) Fri May 21, 2010 16:22 pm   Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people
 

Good morning kitos.

Please can you assess this essay.
Thank you in advance.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions.
Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Of course nowadays the salaries of celebrity figures have become far more high than ever before. the causes of this jump are several, it might be due to the improvement of the countries economy. I will clarify my point of view in the following lines.

surprisingly, in these days many famous football players are gained unimaginable salaries, for instance, junior players like David beckham earn nearly 100 thousands per a week, in my opinion this is significantly exaggerated, even if they introduce a high performance. however, every person has different overview about this controversial subject.

Many people are jealouses and complain about this discrimination. they believe it is totally injustice and must be changed.

Many people raise some jokes about that, one of them is, it is implausible a person wear a pair of shoes can earn such a huge amount of money by playing a match for 2 hours.
Many talented and intelligent people suffer from the difficulties of life, in spite of their efforts they have made and their studies, so find it remarkably unfair, when a player without any knowledge or study, only with some training can earn far more than an ordinary people.

Other people think it is completely fair, because of several reasons that might justify this disagreement, one of them is the happiness that players give us when they win or achieve the success, and the feeling of their fans when they share them the same emotions, is it really amazing moments.
And without sport players life is too boring especially for sport entertainments.

To sum up, I totally disagree with this subject. it is unfair when we want to justify it from each aspect.these salaries seem extremely high to me.
............................................................................................................................
Four sentences without a capital letter to commence! I only edit your BEST work, not this.......................
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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people... #3 (permalink) Fri May 21, 2010 17:16 pm   Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people...
 

I am so sorry kitos, but actually I do not find any mistakes in a capital latter exept a one which was (surprisingly instead of Surprisingly).

Could you help me and clarify the other three mistakes?

Please can you assess the essay.
Samiralbayati
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 01 Feb 2010
Posts: 121

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people... #4 (permalink) Fri May 21, 2010 17:25 pm   Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people...
 

the causes of this jump
they believe it is
surprisingly, in these days
it is unfair when we want
these salaries seem

Sam, this IS NOT acceptable. You have been here long enough to be able to write a sentence!
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Kitosdad
Language Coach


Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 13518
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people... #5 (permalink) Fri May 21, 2010 17:35 pm   Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people...
 

Sorry kitos, but to be honest with you I did not know these mistakes, just now when you have told me.

I did not recognise it before, I thought that when I start writing in new line I must use a capital latter. not between the sentences.
Samiralbayati
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 01 Feb 2010
Posts: 121

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people... #6 (permalink) Fri May 21, 2010 19:36 pm   Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people...
 

Sam, you REALLY must get to grips with the basics. You should have had these conquered months ago. How on earth do you expect to progress if you do not have the tools to do the job?

You start EVERY new sentence with a capital letter.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Kitosdad
Language Coach


Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 13518
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people... #7 (permalink) Fri May 21, 2010 20:33 pm   Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people...
 

Ok kitosdad, what shall I do now? I made all changes you required me to do and bear it in my mind. But you sir did not correct and assess this essay!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really I work hard and obey you and implement every word you want me to do, I never refuse your advices.

I know you want us to become the best, but in the same time It is impossible to learn all the english basics in a couple of months.

I hope that all this speech I wrote was not considered as an interference , just for clarify my point of view.

Please can you assess this essay my sire kitos.
Samiralbayati
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 01 Feb 2010
Posts: 121

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people. #8 (permalink) Sat May 22, 2010 6:49 am   Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people.
 

Good morning kitos.

Of course n Nowadays the salaries of celebrity figures /have become far more high than ever before/ ARE ASTRONOMICAL. The /causes of this jump are several/REASONS BEHIND THIS IS/, it might be due to the improvement of the countries economy. I will clarify my point of view in the following lines.

Surprisingly, in t These days many famous football players are BEING PAID unimaginable salaries(.) For instance, junior players like David Beckham earn nearly 100 thousand POUNDS per a week(.) In my opinion this is /significantly exaggerated/ FAR TOO MUCH, even if they /introduce a high/ DELIVER AN ASTOUNDING performance. However, every person has A different overview about this controversial subject.

Many people are JEALOUS and complain about this discrimination. They believe it is totally /injustice/UNJUSTIFIED and must be changed.

Many people raise some jokes about that, one of them is; it is implausible THAT a person wearING a pair of shoes CAN earn such a huge amount of money by playing a match for TWO hours.
Many talented and intelligent people suffer from the difficulties of life(.) In spite of THE efforts they have made and their studies(.) THEY find it remarkably unfair THAT a player without any knowledge or study, only with some training can earn far more than ManY ordinary people.

Other people think it is completely fair, because of several reasons that might justify this disagreement(.) One /of them is/REASON BEING/ the happiness that players give us when they win or achieve the success, and the feeling of their fans when they share them the same emotions(.) is it THEY BRING really amazing moments.
And w Without sport players life is too boring(,) especially for sportING /EVENTS/ entertainments.

To sum up, I totally disagree with this subject. It is unfair when we /want/TRY/ to justify it from each aspect.These salaries seem extremely high to me.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Good morning Sam. Thank you for changing the wording of your work. I know you are trying hard to get things right. What can I say? You are flat-lining!
Don't sound so desperate. Try to think more clearly.
I have said on many occasions; before you start writing jot down on a sheet the points you wish to make. Consider your strongest two points and then choose the best of the two. Cover this point as well as you can before moving on to the second one. Again, write about this to the limit of your thoughts on it. Then write your conclusion, embracing both points in a concise manner.
C'mon Sam. Do your best. Nobody can ask more of you.

Kitos. 7/10
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.
Kitosdad
Language Coach


Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 13518
Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

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