Enjoy: People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing.

[Kaldosi]

Would you be so kind to review this essay as well? Thanks in advance.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should
sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reasons
and examples to support your answer.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Some people are on firm opinion that we can handle our life as we wish. However, other people say that our actions are limited by many factors, such as culture, family, environment and etc. Although I would like to believe that I am totally free and can choose only such activities I am enjoying, I have to admit that my life is filled with activities that I am not enjoying at all. As a responsible person for my family and my environment, I often take decisions that are unpleasant for me, but give contribution to a higher purpose.

In this essay, I will show how factors such as culture and family can have a significant effect on our decisions.

First, our decisions and activities always affect the people around us. We cannot take decisions irresponsible, since our actions have effects on other people’s life. In a family or in a community we should respect other persons’ motivation as well. Our decision is not only our wish; that is rather a consensus. Consensus does not mean that we should sacrifice our life, but it means that we give up something from our goals to create benefit for other persons involved in our life. Later, hopefully, we will be treated the same way as we treated the other person. Further, consensus does not mean that we should behave altruistically.

Second, the more responsible we have the more unpleasant things we need to do. Imagine a government that only wants to enjoy every moment of his government. What is the result of all of this? How will people live after the government has “burned” all of its money and needs to take loans? Of course, if the government defaults its loan, it can still take another and another loan. What is the long term benefit of this enjoyment? I think, not too much. Therefore, a president or decision maker has to do lot of unpleasant thinks. For example, he has to tax the habitants or has to work hard to create future for his nation. Being in a responsible position is not only fun.

Despite I underline the importance of responsibility and unpleasant decisions in our life, I admit that without enjoyment we would loose lot of thinks in our life. Enjoyment is essential in our life; it gives spices to our life. How can we live if we do not enjoy our life? In my opinion, we should do activities that we really find entertaining. To attain a good life and to be able to enjoy activities in our life, we should work very hard and take unpleasant decision as well.

In short, life is not only enjoyment and sometimes we, as responsible persons for our society, should take decision that contributes not only to our benefit, but also to other person’s benefit.

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This essay was a great struggle for me. How could I raise my score to 9 or 10.

Thanks,

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor mention Mona Lisa?

[Kitosdad]

Would you be so kind to review this essay as well? Thanks in advance.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should
sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reasons
and examples to support your answer.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Some people are on OF THE firm opinion that we can handle our LIVES as we wish. However, other people say that our actions are limited by many factors, such as culture, family, environment and etc. Although I would like to believe that I am totally free and can TO choose only such activities I am enjoying, I have to admit that my life is filled with activities that I /am not enjoying/DO NOT ENJOY/ at all. As a responsible person for IN my family and my environment, I often take decisions that are unpleasant for me, but give contribution to a higher purpose.

In this essay, I will show how factors such as culture and family can have a significant effect on our decisions.

First, our decisions and activities always affect the people around us. We cannot take decisions irresponsiblY, since our actions have effects on other people’s LIVES. In a family or in a community(,) we should respect other persons’ PEOPLE'S motivation as well.
Our decision is not only our wish; that is rather IT IS a consensus. Consensus DO not mean that we should sacrifice our LIVES, but it means that we give up something from our goals to create benefit for THE other persons PEOPLE involved in our LIVES. Later, hopefully, we will be treated the same way as we TREAT the other person. Further, consensus does not mean that we should behave altruistically.

Second, the more responsibITY we have, the more unpleasant things we need to do. Imagine a government that only wants to enjoy every moment of ITS government. What is WOULD BE the result of all of this? How will people live after the government has “burned” all of its money and needs to take loans? Of course, if the government defaults its loan, it can still take another and another loan. What is the long term benefit of this enjoyment? I think, not too much. Therefore, a president or decision maker has to do lotS of unpleasant thinGs. For example, he has to tax the INhabitants(,) or has to work hard to create A BETTER future for his nation. Being in a responsible position is not only fun.

Despite I underline the importance of responsibility and unpleasant decisions in our LIVES, I admit that without enjoyment we would loose LOSE A lot of thinGs in our LIVES. Enjoyment is essential in our life; it gives spices to our life. How can we live if we do not enjoy our LIVES? In my opinion, we should do activities that we really find entertaining. To attain a good life and to be able to enjoy activities in our LIVES, we should work very hard and take unpleasant decision as well.

In short, life is not only FOR enjoyment and sometimes we, as responsible persons for our society, should take decision that contributes not only to our benefit, but also to other person’s PEOPLES benefit.
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How could I raise my score to 9 or 10?
You are already writing a decent essay, but your work is limited in its telling. To score higher you should study the work of people who regularly score nine and ten.

Nancy, Nzuahp, Milily,Lubov and others are the ones whose work you should read.
Note the way that they write, often using personal examples to reinforce their opinion.
So long as you are using the correct grammar, then let your experience or imagination be your guide.

Kitos. 8/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.