living in dormitory or living in apartment

[Lemin1991]

Hi Kito, this is my next work, i tried to use some complicated structure, but it's seemingly poor :D
Topic: Students at universities often have a choice of places live the may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons for your preference.
Essay:

Before attending university, students have to make a choice of where is the best place to be well suited to their study and their personalities between dormitories and apartments. Both of them have its own advantages beneficial for students. In my view of point, I believe apartment seem to be the reasonable place for me.

On the one hand, it is favorable to student to improve their interpersonal skills when dwelling in dormitory. Students have to share their room with others who may be stranger for them. This force them to learn how to live harmonically with their roommates who may be have no middle ground with them. Very difficultly do student have a well performance on this task in the first time; there is always such a great challenge. Moreover, students have more opportunities to get involve in outdoor activities, like cultural activities, with their friend. In addition, dormitory with its own strict rule appear to be helpful for those student who are not often punctual when doing everything. Therefore, dwelling in dormitory help student improve their personalities to become better.

On the other hand, living in apartment has some advantages but different from dormitory. As much as it is so boring /without sharing apartment with others/ when students do not share their apartment with others (I don’t know what is better?), students can easily concentrate on their study in order to get successfully academic achievements. Moreover, freedom seems to be the leading concern for those who would like to live in apartment. Students can do everything whenever they like, such as stay up late. In addition, when living alone, students have opportunities to expand their real life experiences to become well-prepared for the future. They have to learn how to resolve difficult problems completely on their own, which make them become a real man.

Personally, I prefer living in apartment to living in dormitory. This is due to the fact that it is more free to live in apartment than it is to live in dormitory. There are no principal which condemn me to do what I do not enjoy. No one listen to loud music or throw parties that inadvertently disturb my process of study. Because of this reasons, I think living in apartment is the superior option than living in dormitory.

In conclusion, both of choices appear to be advantageous for students to live in. However, if you want to success in college, you should choose to live in apartment to easily focus on your study.

TOEFL listening discussions: How many chemicals are required for the girl's experiment?

[Kitosdad]

Topic: Students at universities often have a choice of places TO live(.)
TheY may choose to live in THE university dormitories, or they may choose to live in PRIVATE apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons for your preference.
Essay:

Before attending university, students have to make a choice(.) of w WHICH is the best place FOR THEM THAT WILL be well suited to their study and their personalities between dormitories and apartments(?)
Both of them have its THEIR own advantages IN REGARD TO THEIR BEING beneficial for students. In my view of point, FROM MY POINT OF VIEW I believe apartmentS seem to be the reasonable place for me.
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On the one hand, it is favorable to student to improve their interpersonal skills when dwelling in dormitory. Students have to share their room with others who may be stranger for them. This force them to learn how to live harmonically with their roommates who may be have no middle ground with them. Very difficultly do student have a well performance on this task in the first time; there is always such a great challenge. Moreover, students have more opportunities to get involve in outdoor activities, like cultural activities, with their friend. In addition, dormitory with its own strict rule appear to be helpful for those student who are not often punctual when doing everything. Therefore, dwelling in dormitory help student improve their personalities to become better.

On the other hand, living in apartment has some advantages but different from dormitory. As much as it is so boring /without sharing apartment with others/ when students do not share their apartment with others (I don’t know what is better?), students can easily concentrate on their study in order to get successfully academic achievements. Moreover, freedom seems to be the leading concern for those who would like to live in apartment. Students can do everything whenever they like, such as stay up late. In addition, when living alone, students have opportunities to expand their real life experiences to become well-prepared for the future. They have to learn how to resolve difficult problems completely on their own, which make them become a real man.

Personally, I prefer living in apartment to living in dormitory. This is due to the fact that it is more free to live in apartment than it is to live in dormitory. There are no principal which condemn me to do what I do not enjoy. No one listen to loud music or throw parties that inadvertently disturb my process of study. Because of this reasons, I think living in apartment is the superior option than living in dormitory.

In conclusion, both of choices appear to be advantageous for students to live in. However, if you want to success in college, you should choose to live in apartment to easily focus on your study.
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Good evening Lemin. As you can see, the first paragraph needs drastic alteration to make it even remotely acceptable. The rest of the essay appears to be the same.
A lack of plurality is the immediate error that I have noticed.
Please be good enough to rewrite this work.
I will be happy to edit it once you have done so.

Kitos.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Lemin1991]

thank for your clear comment! it's very helpful for me, and i will try to rewrite again.

[Lemin1991]

Hi kito, i was too busy last week. This is my revised essay.

Before attending university, students have to make a choice between dormitory and apartment, which is most suited to their studies and their personalities. Both of them have their own advantages in regard to their being beneficial for students. Some social students would like to live in dormitory, whereas others enjoy living in apartment due in part to its free atmosphere. From my point of view, apartments seem to be the reasonable place for me to choose.

On one hand, it is favorable for student to improve their interpersonal skills when dwelling in dormitory. Students must share their room with others so they have to learn how to live harmonically with their roommates. They take care of each others when being ill, or help others out problems. All of this appears to be chances for students to help them interact with others frequently, difficult though in the first time. Also, there are a lot of activities in term of indoor and outdoor in which they can participate to meet new appealing people or to get more interesting conversations.

On the other hand, living in apartment has different advantages from dormitory. As much as having their own rooms is seemingly boring, students can easily concentrate on their study to successfully earn academic achievements because of no distraction from others’ businesses. It mean that students can do everything whenever they like, staying up late to study, for example. In addition, living alone, students have opportunities to expand their real life experiences to become well-prepared for the future. They have to learn how to solve difficult problems completely on their own, which make them become a real man. As a result, freedom is the leading concern for those who would like to live in apartment.

Personally, I prefer living in apartment to living in dormitory. This is due to the fact that it is freely to live in apartment than to live in dormitory. There are no principal which condemn me to do what I do not enjoy. No one listens to loud music or throws parties that inadvertently disturb my process of study.

In conclusion, both of choices appear to be advantageous for students to live in. However, if you want to academically succeed in college, you should choose to live in apartment to easily focus on your study.