Many people do longer work hour and have more stressful to their

[Judy56]

please help me to correct it, thanks in advance :)

Nowadays many people do longer work hour and have more stressful to their, what do you think and how employers to do.

At present day, more and more people are concern about the career stress and long time working. It is become a hot topic especially in developing countries now. In my view, the employers should pay more attention to this issue and should take some measure to handle it.

First, the development of the economic lead to overtime working. The population of developing countries increase sharply science industrialization . More and more undergraduate students enter into big companies and the competitions are more intensively. Each individual has to effort and work hard. Therefore whole society used to do longer work hour. In addition, due to the rapid advancement of new technology, all kind of employees have to keep learning the new knowledge and the latest technology in stead of taking a rest or staying with their family in order to keep in steps with social development. This trends make people more stressful than ever.

Secondly, the essence of business is the pursuit of profit. Every company, no matter what its size, wants and needs to reduce costs and improve profits. In this connection, it is inevitably that employees work overtime at present day. The society and the corporations are all have the responsibility for long time working. But the employers should be responsible to the employees because they get the benefits from workers’ long time working.

In addition, work overtime also brings a plenty of problems. It has been report that work overtime and work stress make people get heart risk and mental illnesses. The resent research is shown that overtime work is the potential cause of industrial accident.

In conclusion, work overtime is inevitable but the employers should take some measures to reduce the risk which be brought by overtime work. For example, the employers may build up the organization to help workers to deal with their mental questions and help them to relax. And the companies should give the workers a change to choose flexible work time.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor on the possibility of life on Mars

[Kitosdad]

Nice work Judy, but your attention to better grammar is needed. Your sentence structure, whilst being poor, is not eing bhelped by your incorrectly using words such as ,Work - working. Inevitably - inevitable.Your spelling also needs urgent attention.
Spend a while reading the essays of other people, and learn from their errors and editing.
You have good ideas, and a decent vocabulary. Learn to use them correctly.

Kitos. 6/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Judy56]

[Kitosdad]

Here is my essay .

Recently, more and more people are BECOMING concerned about career stress and long workING hourS. It is now becoming a hot topic(,) especially in developing countries. In my view, the employers should pay more attention to this issue and should take some measure to handle it.

Firstly, the development of the economy is a major cause of overtime working. Due to the increase in population of the developed countries, more and more undergraduate students are entering into big companies which have intense competition.
Each individual has to work hard to stand out from the rest. Therefore it is becoming a common thing for them to /do longer work hour/WORK LONGER HOURS/. In addition, due to the rapid advancement of new technologies, various employees have to keep learning the new knowledge and the latest technology instead of taking a rest or staying with their family in order to keep in steps with social development. These trends make people more stressful than ever. THEY SHOULD BE RESTING AND SPENDING MORE TIME WITH THEIR FAMILIES.

Secondly, the essence of business is the pursuit of profit. Every company, no matter what its size, wants and needs to reduce costs and improve profits. In this connection, it is inevitablE for THAT employees NEED TO work overtime these days. The s
Society and the corporations all /have the responsibility/CARRY THE BLAME/ for causing them to work overtime. But the e
Employer's should have direct responsibility for the employees(,) because they /get/REAP/ the benefits from workers’ /long time working/WORKING LONG HOURS/.

In addition, working overtime also brings /plenty/LOTS/of health problems. It has been reported that overtime work and work stress makeS people /get/DEVELOP/ heart riskS and mental illnesses. The reCent research HAS shown that /overtime work/ WORKING OVERTIME/is the potential cause of MANY industrial accidents.

In conclusion, working overtime is inevitable(,) but the employers should take some measures to reduce the risks which are brought ABOUT by overtime work. For example, the employers /may/SHOULD/ build up/CREATE/ the AN organization to help workers deal with their mental /questions/PROBLEMS/ and TO help them to relax. And the c Companies should give the workers more flexible work time.
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This is a great improvement Judy.

Kitos. 8/10[/s]
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.