job selection

[Cacophony]

Hi, everyone

I would appreciate if anyone helps me rate my essay
Topic: Taking a safer job or waiting for the ideal job opportunity to come up with. Agree or disagree?

The capitalism, with its needs, offers various jobs with diverse position up to people's ability. Today's competitive and comparative market brings about a debate whether a person should choose a secure job or wait for an ideal one. When it comes to me, I believe that with patience and enthusiasm, a good job will be await for me. Definitely I prefer the latter notion.

Some people would rather a safe job as they argue that whein doing so, they will get useful experience and a certain amount of money that support them in their latter career. Those secure jobs can be a labor worker, a clearner, a taxi driver, a housekeeper or a restaurant waiter. They are easy to find, require little knowledge and offer a small salary each month. An educational person, however, needs a much better job than that. Also, unfortunately, those secure jobs are more likely to waste their time and effort than giving them knowledge, experience and capital. For example, educational people who do labor job can find it difficult to adapt themselves with the working environment. Even if they are adaptative, they can not continue for several months.

In addition to this, a person who chooses safe jobs may stay standstill when they find an ideal one. They may become satisfied with the peaceful working environment and forget their dream. For example, a man had dreamed to be an artist but when he tried the job as a dish washer, he gave up his dream and no longer fighted his best for a better life. In his latter life, neverless, he regretted why he had wasted his time at those worthless job. He did not have enough patience and severity for an awaitingly ideal job.

An ideal job can be a singer, an architecture, a doctor, a painter or a lawyer. They are not always available and require lots of efforts. Only people who apply many times and have full knowledge can conduct an important position. People who wait for his dream job can accumulate their own knowledge. Theye can have more time to explore what the job require and how to apply for it. They can concentrate for studying only and practise patience and enthusiasm, which are one of the most desirable traits that a boss expects from his followers.

Even though there are still some people who condemn for a safe job, although they consist that they can find their ideal one in their near future, those people often fail when they face with the practical working environment. I hope that they will gradually choose the right direction for themselves to wait for an ideal one. If people have enough courage, all of their dreams will come true.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the main danger of obesity?

[Kitosdad]

Good morning Cacophony, and WELCOME to the Forum.

The Capitalism, with its needs, offers various jobs with diverse positionS up to people's ability. Today's competitive and comparative market brings about a debate whether a person should choose a secure job or wait for an ideal one. When it comes to me, I believe that with patience and enthusiasm, a good job will be await for me. Definitely I prefer the latter notion.

Some people would rather HAVE a safe job as they argue that BY doing so, they will get useful experience and a certain amount of money that supportS them in their latter career. Those secure jobs can be AS a labor worker, a CLEANER, a taxi driver, a housekeeper or a restaurant waiter. They are easy to find, require little knowledge and offer a small salary each month. An educatEDl person, however, needs a much better job than that. Also, Unfortunately, those secure jobs are more likely to waste their time and effort RATHER than giving them knowledge, experience and capital. For example, educatED people who do A laboUrERS job can find it difficult to adapt themselves with the working environment. Even if they are ADAPTIVE, they (cannot) continue for several months.(continue what?)

In addition to this, a person who chooses safe jobs may stay THERE when they find an ideal one. They may become satisfied with the peaceful working environment and forget their dream. For example, a man had dreamed to be an artist(,) but when he tried the job as a dish washer, he gave up his dream and no longer FOUGHT his best for a better life. In his latter life, neverTHEless, he regretted why he had wasted his time at those worthless job. He did not have enough patience and severity for an awaitingly ideal job.TO WAIT FOR AN IDEAL JOB.

An ideal job can be AS a singer, an architecture, a doctor, a painter or a lawyer. They are not always available and require lots of efforts. Only people who apply many times(,) and have full knowledge(,) can COMMAND an important position. People who wait for THEIR dream job can accumulate their own knowledge. They can have more time to /explore/ENQUIRE/ what the job requireS and how to apply for it. They can concentrate ON studying only and practise patience and enthusiasm, which are one of the most desirable traits that a boss expects from his followers.

Even though there are still some people who /condemn/SETTLE/ for a safe job(.) although t They INSIST that they can find their ideal one in their near future(.) Those people often fail when they ARE faceD with A practical working environment. I hope that they will gradually choose the right direction for themselves RATHER THAN waitING for an ideal one. If people have enough courage, all of their dreams will come true.
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Not bad Cacophony, but your vocabulary needs strengthening.

Kitos. 7/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.