hi, please rate my first essay!

[Thucuyen]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Many people believe that they can feel self-confident and comfortable or not depending on what they are wearing because of other people’s reactions. Strangers behave towards your appearance because it is all they know about you through your appearance. Friends may be sometimes influenced by your clothes if it is inappropriate for a situation. And to be sure that your clothes or your appearance is always important at work.

Someone said that: “Do not judge people by appearance”. However, there are no basic characteristic for strangers to judge you except your appearance. For instance, once I was wearing an old coat to go to coffee shop. The staff saw my coat and showed contempt for me. But when I was wearing a formal clothes to go there in other day, the staff had a hearty welcome to me.

With friends they are not important your clothes because of their understanding about me. However, friends sometimes react to your clothes. Imagine you are invited to your friend’s birthday party. Everyone is wearing formal clothes and you wearing casual clothes. I am sure that your friend will be very disappointed and people have no sympathy for you. You will probably uncomfortable and unconfident all evening because your clothes is very different from others in the birthday party.

Clothes is the most important for you if you want to keep working in your position or begin a new job. If you want to success in job interview, you will prepare full knowledge, however clothes is not less important. Your clothes not only make you self-confident but also create the first impression to the interviewer. Clothes or your appearance is one of the important things to success.

In general, clothes never change you into different person, but they can make you behave differently. People react to you in a different way depending on your clothes or your appearance. If you want good reaction from people, make sure to dress appropriately for every situation.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a professor and his student

[Kitosdad]

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Many people believe that they can feel self-confident and comfortable or not depending on what they are wearing(,) because of other people’s reactions. Strangers behave towards your appearance because it is all they know about you through your appearance. Friends may be sometimes influenced by your clothes if it is inappropriate for a situation.(,) And to be sure that your clothes or your appearance is always important at work.

Someone said that: “Do not judge people by appearance”. However, there are no basic characteristic for strangers to judge you except your appearance. For instance, once I was wearing an old coat to go to THE coffee shop. The staff saw my coat and showed contempt for me. But when I was wearing formal clothes to go there ON ANother day, the staff had a hearty welcome to me.

With friends(,) CLOTHES are not important because of their understanding about me. However, friends sometimes react to your clothes. Imagine you are invited to your friend’s birthday party. Everyone is wearing formal clothes and you ARE wearing casual clothes. I am sure that your friend will be very disappointed(,) and people have no sympathy for you. You will probably uncomfortable and UNCOMFORTABLE all evening because your clothes ARE very different from others AT the birthday party.

Clothes ARE the most important PART OF you if you want to keep working in your position or begin a new job. If you want success in job interview, you will prepare WITH full knowledge, however clothes ARE not less important. Your clothes not only make you self-confident but also create the first impression to the interviewer. YOUR clothes(,) or your appearance(,) ARE one of the important things to success.

In general, clothes never change you into A different person, but they can make you behave differently. People react to you in a different way depending on your clothes or your appearance. If you want A good reaction from people, make sure to dress appropriately for every situation.
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Hello Thucoyen. You need to learn to differentiate between "is" and "are".
Your essay was a little repetitive, but acceptable.

Kitos. 7.5/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Thucuyen]

thank you Kitos. I will pay attention to this mistake