Toefl® Topic 1 - Please rate [People attend college or university]

[Swsr]

I am new to this forum. I have my toefl test in another month. I would be glad if you could rate my essays.

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Education by itself is a path full of opportunities like gaining knowledge, or improving one’s capability to gain a better position in jobs or to experience a new side of life. In my opinion, people attend universities to grab all or one of the above opportunities. The reasons are as follows.

Firstly, knowledge is something that is very vast and the journey to invest on it seem exciting to some students like me who are willing to prove their mettle in this competitive world. For example, in the field of computer science, there are many concepts that are being updated every year and we find ourselves learning new topics daily. This is where mastering of a subject comes into picture and students attend universities in search of increased knowledge on the same so as to cope up with the rapid growing world.

Secondly, career preparation is the most important factor in an individual’s life. This factor decides the future path and a person is guaranteed to secure a good future if the career aspect is looked into with care. Some may not be satisfied with the current job position as they are aware that they can and should do more than what they are doing. Hence to gain a better position and satisfaction in the jobs, people attend universities to specialize more on a particular field of their liking.

Thirdly, many students would want to explore the world as a new life being independent without parent’s support. They believe that this would shape up their personality and studying in an university in a foreign place teaches us a lot of lessons on life. Overall it is a new experience for anyone and tends to develop an open mind in many individuals. So for this reason also people attend universities.

Finally, I conclude saying that people attending universities can be the reason for obtaining any one or all of the above goals. According to me, I attend university to obtain all the above goals and prove my talent to the world.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an arts class

[Kitosdad]

I am new to this forum. I have my toefl test in another month. I would be glad if you could rate my essays.

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Education by itself is a path full of opportunities like gaining knowledge, or improving one’s capability to gain a better position in jobs or to experience a new side of life. In my opinion, people attend universities to grab all or one of the above opportunities. The reasons are as follows.

Firstly, knowledge is something that is very vast(,) and the journey to invest IN it seemS exciting to some students like MYSELF who are willing to prove their mettle in this competitive world. For example, in the field of computer science, there are many concepts that are being updated every year(,) and we find ourselves learning new topics daily. This is where THE mastering of a subject comes into THE picture(,) and students attend universities in search of increased knowledge on the same so as to cope up with the rapid growing world.

Secondly, career preparation is the most important factor in an individual’s life. This factor decides the future path(,) and a person is guaranteed to secure a good future if the career aspect is looked into with care. Some may not be satisfied with the current job position as they are aware that they can and should do more than what they are doing. Hence to gain a better position and satisfaction in the jobs, people attend universities to specialize more on a particular field of their liking.

Thirdly, many students would want to explore the world as a new life being independent without parent’s support. They believe that this would shape up their personality(,) and studying in an university in a foreign place teaches us a lot of lessons on life. Overall it is a new experience for anyone(,) and tends to develop an open mind in many individuals. So f For this reason also people attend universities.

Finally, I conclude saying that people attending universities can be the reason for obtaining any one or all of the above goals. According to me, I attend university to obtain all the above goals and prove my talent to the world.
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Good evening Swsr, and WELCOME to the Forum.
Your first essay is more than acceptable.

Kitos. 8/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Swsr]

Thanks a lot for the encouragement kitosdad.