Location has traditionally been one of the most important determinants

[Blackswallow]

I do not know why, but I do not feel very right with this essay. I though I've made it so awkward but I do not know how to fix it. Please help me. Any comment would be highly appreciated

Question:
“Location has traditionally been one of the most important determinants of a business’s success. The importance of location is not likely to change, no matter how advanced the development of computer communications and others kinds of technology becomes.”
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading

Answer
The author is obviously right concluding that location plays an important role in doing business. With a good location, your business can get a lot of advantage such as low cost materials, low-paying human resources and potential clients. Now and then, in the past or in the future, no matter how the world has change, location still is the dominating factor in business’s success.

First, benefit will definitely increase correspondingly with the number of customer you have. Located in a crowed city, where there are a lot of people with a variety of habit and hobby, a restaurant may have guess more frequently, a shop can sold their product more quickly. In a center area, where there are businesses focusing on different kind of industry, a company may find customer or partner more easily. It is very clearly that location is one of the most important determinants of a business’s success.

Second, benefit will also increase when the business cost decrease. And a relevant location again can help businessman do this. If a manufacture is built near the material provider, that can reduce the transportation cost. If a company located in the developing country where there a rich resource for employment, they can reduce the cost for employee’s salary. Finding a suitable location will be one of the most valuable decisions of a business owner since it can save them a lot of money so that they can invest in another part of business.

Today, the world is changing every moment, new technologies are developed every day, and it somehow changes the way people running their business. But to the experienced business owner, one of the most critical things to do before putting their business to the road is choosing the right location. It does not matter which kind of machine a manufacture is using, which technology a plant is applying, picking the right location is the basic step leading it to the peak of success

TOEFL listening lectures: What aspect of Ben Franklin's life does the speaker mainly discuss?

[Kitosdad]

Answer
The author is obviously right IN concluding that location plays an important role in doing business. With a good location, your business can /GAIN/get/ a lot of advantage such as lowER cost materials, low-paying human resources and GREATER NUMBERS OF potential clients. Now and then, in the past or in the future, no matter how the world has changeD, location IS still is the dominating factor in THE business’s success OF BUSINESSES.

First, benefit will definitely increase correspondingly with the number of customerS you have. Located in a crowed city, where there are a lot of people with a variety of habitS and hobbIES, a restaurant may have guesTS more frequently AND a shop can SELL their product ITS GOODS more quickly. In a centRAL area where there are businesses focusing on different kindS of industry, a company may find customerS or partnerS more easily. It is very clearly CLEAR that location is one of the most important determinants of a business’s success.

Second, benefit will also increase when the businessES costEXPENSES ARE decrease(,) and a relevant location again can again help A businessman TO do this. If a manufacturING PLANT is built near the material provider, that can reduce the transportation costS. If a company IS located in the developing country where there IS rich A source OF CHEAP employment, they can reduce the cost for OF employee’s salarIES. Finding a suitable location will be one of the most valuable decisions of a business owner(,) since it can save them HIM a lot of money so that they THAT HE can invest in another part of HIS business.

Today, the world is changing every moment, new technologies are developed every day, and it somehow changes the way people ARE running their businessES. But to TO the experienced business owner, one of the most critical things to DECIDE before putting their HIS business ON the road is TO choosE the right location. It does not matter which kind of machine a manufactureR is using, which technology a plant is applying, picking the right location is the basic step leading it to the peak of success
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::One tip ... do more reading! Frequent reading, and noting what you are reading, will eliminate all of you basic problems in no time at all.

Kitos. 7.5/10
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Blackswallow]

Thanks Kitos!

I guess I should do more reading.

I just try to make it formal by avoiding to use pronoun. But it leads me to another problem: making it awkward and wordy and ... so many mistake. I'll try. Hope it'll get better next time