Why do you think people attend college or university?

[Stardust97]

Hello.
I'm new here in this forum and I need some help with my Toefl Essay Writing.
I'm studying for Toefl by myself and there's no one to correct and revise my essay.

Here is the prompt.-----------------------------------------------------------

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

And this is my essay.------------------------------------------------------------

After graduating from a high school, every student faces the moment of decision. Some students elect to start their career at a relatively early age while others choose to learn more in college before seeking for a job. Although students can finally get away from that boring school, class and start making money doing what they have been desired to do, why there are so many students who want to postpone their pursuit of dream and decide to study more?

One of the reasons for that decision, I believe, is because advancing to college can be a great advantage in that it can help gain a wealth of high level of knowledge. In today’s modern society where information is increasingly becoming more and more important, it is crucial to acquire a wide range of knowledge. Knowing a lot is one essential factor that can positively help you get a job, accepted by others, and eventually succeed in the future. With education college provides, you are getting yourself ready to achieve your goal.

Secondly, college life will be a great experience before one makes his/her way to the ‘real world’. Just having turned into a grown up from a teenager, many high school graduates are unaware of what it is like to be a constituent of the society. So if they go to college, they will surely have enough time to prepare themselves. Going to college also means there is less possibility of failing to keep fit in the real world. Students will be able to get along with friends who can help each other when in times of trouble in university and get help from professors.

Everyone wants to be successful and in order to do that, preparation is a necessity. Studying at college can help students to do that and let them have advantage over other students. All in all, students decide to go college to widen their knowledge and learn how to adapt to the real world.

Even a little help would be appreciated.-------------------------------------------

TOEFL listening lectures: What happened at the Potsdam Conference?

[Kitosdad]

Hello.
I'm new here in this forum and I need some help with my Toefl Essay Writing.
I'm studying for Toefl by myself and there's no one to correct and revise my essay.

Here is the prompt.-----------------------------------------------------------

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

And this is my essay.------------------------------------------------------------

After graduating from a high school, every student faces the moment of decision. Some students elect to start their career at a relatively early age(,) while others choose to learn more in college before seeking for a job. Although IF students can finally get away from that boring schoolROOM and start making money doing what they have been ACHING to do, THEN why ARE THERE so many students who want to postpone their pursuit of THEIR dream and HAVE decideD to study more?

One of the reasons for that decision I believe, is because advancing to college can be a great advantage in that it can help THEM gain a wealth of high level of knowledge. In today’s modern society(,) where information is increasingly becoming more and more important, it is crucial to acquire a wide range of knowledge. Knowing a lot is one essential factor that can positively help you get a job, accepted by others, and eventually succeed in the future. With THE education THAT college provides, you are getting yourself ready to achieve your goal.

Secondly, college life will be a great experience before one makes his/her way INto the ‘real world’. Just having turned into a grown up from BEING a teenager, many high school graduates are unaware of what it is like to be a constituent of the society. So i If they go to college, they will surely have enough time to prepare themselves. Going to college also means there is less possibility of failing to keep fit in the real world. Students will be able to get along with friends who can help each other when in times of trouble in university(,) and ALSO get help from professors.

Everyone wants to be successful(,) and in order to do that preparation is a necessity. Studying at college can help students to do that and GIVES them AN advantage over other students. All in all, students decide to go college to widen their knowledge and learn how to adapt to the real world.
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WELCOME to our Forum Stardust. You seem to be coping quite well with the rudiments of English essay writing. This is your first submission. I would like to see more of your work before suggesting anything for the moment.

Kitos. 7.5/10
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