parents influence the young adulys most

[Eysa]

please chech my essay. thanks in advance

Just like natural world, the growth of human beings is influenced by their circumstance which includes friends and relatives. Young adults are not only influenced by the friends, also the family has tremendous impact on young adults. But the rub is which one has the great influence on the young. We young people share the same interest, value and fashion with our friends, but, personally speaking, our parents has the most predominate influence on the young, for the family is not only the best friend of family , also the lifelong one.

Firstly, parents can act like a guide to lead you to success. Parents will give you a hand when you encounter difficulties; they will render their advice when you are in dilemma. Well-educated parents are good listeners who are tolerance of people`s opinion from different generations. Take my father for example, he is well educated and keeps an open mind. Between he and me never exists generation gap. Whenever I am in trouble, whatever it is about job, friendship, life and so on, the first person I will turn to is my father. He will assist me to resolve the handicap. If there hadn`t been him with me, I couldn`t success in my career today. But my friends can’t give better advice because of lacking of experience. So my family is my best friend who is momentous to my success and my father is role model for me in my life.

what`s more, the family is the lifelong friend of every human. In any relationship there has to be some give-and-take. As everyone has their own benefit, there always be conflict in any kind of relationship, but the family is the one who is always full of forgiveness. You will change your friends at different phase of your life and at various living place, but the family is the one always accompanying with you. Look back to my life, I had numerous friend in my life, in preliminary school, in high school, in university and now at career, but the one always stands with my side is my family.

However, we really spend more time with our friends than families. They influence our behavior frequently. But in terms of our family`s long interval and being always our side, I stick to the opinion that family has the most important influence on young adults.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Natural History

[Kitosdad]

Just like NATUREnatural world, the growth of human beings is influenced by their circumstance which includes friends and relatives. Young adults are not only influenced by the friends BUT also the family HAVE A tremendous impact on young adults. But tThe rub is which one has the greatEST influence on the young(?) We young people share the same interestS, AS our friends,value and fashion , but personally speaking, our parents HAVE the most predominate influence on the young, for the family is not only the best friend of YOUNG ADULTS, BUT also A lifelong one.

Firstly, parents can act like a guide to lead you to success. Parents will give you a hand when you encounter difficulties; they will render their advice when you are in A dilemma. Well-educated parents are good listeners who are toleraT of people`s opinion from different generations. Take my father for example, he is well educated and keeps an open mind. Between he and I THERE never exists A generation gap. Whenever I am in trouble, whatever it is about, job, friendship, life and so on, the first person I will turn to is my father. He will assist me to resolve the handicap. If HE hadn`t been him with me, I couldn`t HAVE HAD success in my career today(,) But my friends can’t give better advice because of THEIR lack of experience. So m my family ARE my best friendS AND THEY HAVE BEEN momentous to my success(,) and my father is A role model for me in my life.

What`s more, the family is the lifelong friend of every human. In any relationship there has to be some give-and-take. As everyone has their own NEEDS, there WILL always be conflict in any kind of relationship, but the family ARE the oneS who ARE always full of forgiveness. You will change your friends at different phaseS of your life and at various living place, but YOUR family ARE the oneS always accompanying with you. LookING back ON my life, I had numerous friendS in my life, in preliminary school, in high school, in university and now IN MY career, but the oneS WHO always stand BY my side is my family.

However, we really spend more time with our friends than families. They influence our behavior frequently(,) but in terms of our family`s long interval and being always our side, I stick to the opinion that family has the most important influence on young adults.
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A heart-warming Eysa. It wasn't easy to edit without losing the meaning. However, it turned out OK.

Kitos. 8/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Eysa]

thanks for your remarks
but i don`t really understand what you mean by saying It wasn't easy to edit without losing the meaning?
do you mean my reasons are not persuiative enough?
what should i do to improve my writting skill? I will attend TOEFL in one month.