TOEFL essay sample - overpopulation

[slovenia]

Can someone evaluate my essey? Please...
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Families with fewer children should be rewarded for helping to prevent overpopulation.

Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion.

Your Answer:
Not so long ago i heard a news on televison that families who have fewer children should be rewarded for helping to prevent ovepopulation. From my point this is rediculous and totaly nonsens. However i disagree with this statment and why is that so i will try to explain that to you in the remaining of my essay.
First of all i think that if this will come true to many married or not married couples will decide to not have any children at all. I know that this will sound kind of rediculous but i belive that this is one posible why that can lead to human extinction. I am person who is really interffired in public reactions when that kind of news comes out and from my own experients i know that people whoud doanything for some extra money.
Second of all i would prefer that the goverment should reward families who have five or more children and for that reason some help would be really wellcome. After all this kind of families are actually preventing the human extinction.
I belive that world has many unexplored things and thats why we need young people who will be capable to achive some of that goals. Sooner or later it will came the time when human beings will come to extinction, but i belive that we can slow this process a litlle bit down. Anyway, i hope that somewhere in the world there are people who have the same opinion like me.

[slovenia]

Anyone?

[Alan]

Not so long ago i (I) heard a (ON THE NEWS) news on televison that families who have fewer children should be rewarded for helping to prevent oveRpopulation. From my point OF VIEW this is rIdiculous and totaly (TOTAL) nonsensE. However i (I) disagree with this statEment and why that IS so i (I) will try to explain that to you in the remaining (PART)of my essay.
First of all i (I) think that if this will come true, toO many married or not married couples will decide not TO have any children at all. I know that this will sound kind of rIdiculous but i beliEve that this is one posible (POSSIBILITY) why that can lead to human extinction. I am A person who is really interffired (INTERESTED ?) in public reactions when that kind of news comes out and from my own experients EXPERIENCE i(I)know that people whoud do anything for some extra money.
SecondLY i would prefer that the goverment should reward families who have five or more children and for that reason some help would be really wellcome (WELCOME). After all this (THESE KINDS) kind of families are actually preventing human extinction.
I belive that THE world has many unexplored things and that's why we need young people who will be capable to (OF ACHIEVING)achive some of that (THOSE) goals. Sooner or later it will came the time (THE TIME WILL COME) when human beings will come to extinction, but i beliEve that we can slow (SLOW DOWN THIS PROCESS/SLOW THIS PROCESS DOWN) this process a litlle bit down. Anyway, i hope that somewhere in the world there are people who have the same opinion like (AS) me.

As you can see, I have made the corrections in CAPITAL LETTERS.

Alan PS THE WORD IS E S S A Y
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Everything in the Garden is lovely

[slovenia]

Thank you Alan. Well I am not really good at writing essay, am I? So what would the grade be on the scale of 0-6?