GRE® argument essay: North Americans should consider eating soy on a regular basis

[Tinamary]

Hi,
can anyone rate the argument that I have written?

Topic:
A recent study shows that people living on the continent of North America suffer 9 times morechronic fatigue and 31 times more chronic depression than do people living on the continent of Asia.Interestingly, Asians, on average, eat 20 grams of soy per day, whereas North Americans eat virtually none. It turns out that soy contains phytochemicals called isoflavones, which have been found to possess disease–preventing properties. Thus, North Americans should consider eating
soy on a regular basis as a way of preventing fatigue and depression.

My argument:
Soy may be a very good supplement,but the studies tend to make a bold proposal that fatigue and depression can be overcome in NA only by the intake of Soy. Though the studies identify the nutritional values of Soy correctly, it emphasises on lack of Soy in American diet rather than considering other aspects that cause fatigue and depression.The studies tend to endorse Soy as the only solution to the problems when other foods like fruits,vegetables,milk etc.. were believed to possess nutritional and disease preventing properties from eons.

The recent studies tend to endorse soy products as the main supplement for good health while they ignore the benefits of other natural food.Also,the recent studies does not provide a strong evidence as in why soy supercedes nutritionally over other fruits and vegetables that have been believed to posses nutritional and health values.From eons it has been believed that a diet with ample amount of fruits and vegetables can enhance health.Eating Soy alone may not be a prompt solution to eradicate fatique and depression in Americans.For instance,not all parts of Asia have a high in take of soy.So,the main reason to over come illness cannot be attributed to Soy alone.Southern parts of Asia does not have a significant soy diet.But Milk products are believed to have antibodies that prevent illness and presumed to be good for health.

The studies fail to understand the reasons behind the fatigue or depression that are higher in NA(North America).The higher rates of illness could very well be due to the work culture,food habits,regional and climatic differences.Unlike Asians, the fast food culture have tend to take a heavy toll on the health of Americans.High intake of food with less/zero nutritional value and lack of proper excercise also could be reasons for fatigue.Stressful life with lack of proper food & sleep, peremptory & exacting job could be few reasons that cause depression in many.Food habits do play an important part.But,other reasons has to be considered as well. Yes Asians eat Soy and soy posses disease preventing properties.However the complete diet of an Asian should be compared and studied with that of American.Although Asians like Indians do not eat soy,its proved that practices like Yoga,vegetarian diet gives a good mental and physical health.These practices can curb depression to a certain extent.
Many fruits that are believed to possess high disease preventing qualities are available and quite popular in the world.”Apple a day keeps doctor away” is one famous maxim that implies this.The conclusion that Americans must eat soy daily to reduce fatique and depression is unsubstantiated.A diet deficient in essential food but rich in soy may cause different health issues.It is not Soy,but a balanced diet that matters.Anything in excess can cause health hazards.Let me illustrate this.Another recent study showed that high amount of soy can lead to breast cancer.And we are not aware that how many of these Asians posses health issues due to daily & high soy consumption.

Despite few flaws in the correct interpretation of the studies,the author may be correct in the assessment that soy posses disease preventing properties,which when taken moderately can help fight fatigue and depression.The argument could be strengthened by providing more data.If for example,the studies had performed a comparative studies of average diet of an American and an Asian,indicating that NA had less nutritional diet than an Asian,whose high intake of Soy has catered to his fatigue and depression,then the argument would have been far more persuasive.

[Kitosdad]

Hi,
can anyone rate the argument that I have written?

Topic:
A recent study shows that people living on the continent of North America suffer NINE times more chronic fatigue and THIRTY-ONE times more chronic depression than do people living on the continent of Asia.Interestingly, Asians, on average, eat TWENTY grams of soy per day, whereas North Americans eat virtually none. It turns out that soy contains phyto-chemicals called iso-flavones, which have been found to possess disease–preventing properties. Thus, North Americans should consider eating
soy on a regular basis as a way of preventing fatigue and depression.

My argument:
Soy may WELL be a very good supplement, but the studies tend to make a bold /proposal/CLAIM/ that fatigue and depression can be overcome in NORTH AMERICA /only/SIMPLY/ BY THE INHABITANTS EATING/ by the intake of /soy. Though the studies identify the nutritional values of Soy correctly, it emphasises THE lack of Soy in American dietS, rather than considering other aspects that cause fatigue and depression.The studies tend to endorse soy as the only solution to the problems(,) when other foods like fruits, vegetables, milk etc.. were believed to possess nutritional and disease preventing properties FOR eons.

The recent studies tend to endorse soy products as the main supplement for good health(,) WHILST they ignorING the benefits of other natural food.
Also,t The recent studies DO not provide a strong evidence as TO why soy superSedes nutritionally over other fruits and vegetables that have been believed to posses nutritional and health values. FOR eons it has been believed that a diet with AN ample amount of fruits and vegetables COULD enhance health. Eating soy alone may not be a prompt solution to eradicate fatiGue and depression in Americans. For instance, not all parts of Asia have a high (intake) of soy. So,t The main /reason to/SOLUTION IN/ (overcome/OVERCOMING) illness cannot be attributed to soy alone. Southern parts of Asia do not have a significant soy diet(,) but milk products are believed to have antibodies that prevent illness and ARE presumed to be good for health.

The studies fail to understand the reasons behind the fatigue or depression that are higher in North America. The higher rates of illness could very well be due to the work culture, EATING HABITS, regional and climatic differences. Unlike Asians, the fast food culture HAS tendED to take a heavy toll on the health of Americans. High intakeS of food with less/zero nutritional value and lack of proper exercise also could be reasons for fatigue. LEADING A stressful life with lack of proper food & sleep, PLUS A peremptory & exacting job could be A few reasons that cause depression in many. Food habits do play an important part(,) but other reasons HAVE to be considered TOO. Yes Asians REGULARLY eat soy and soy posses disease preventing properties. However, the complete diet of an Asian should be compared and studied with that of AmericanS. Although Asians(,) like Indians(,) do not eat soy, it IS proveN that practices like Yoga PLUS A vegetarian diet gives a CONTRIBUTE TOWARD good mental and physical health.These practices can curb depression to a certain extent.
Many fruits that are believed to possess high disease preventing qualities are available and quite popular in the world.”AN apple a day keeps THE doctor away” is one famous maxim that implies this. The conclusion that Americans must eat soy daily to reduce fatiGue and depression is unsubstantiated. A diet deficient in essential MINERALS but rich in soy may cause OTHER health issues. It is not soy, but a balanced diet that matters. Anything in excess can cause health hazards. Let me illustrate this. Another recent study showed that high amountS of soy can lead to breast cancer.And wWe are not aware that how many of these Asians posses health issues due to daily, high soy consumption.

Despite A few flaws in the correct interpretation of the studies, the author may be correct in the assessment that soy posses disease preventing properties,which when taken moderately(,) can help fight fatigue and depression. The argument could be strengthened by providing more data. If for example, the studies had performed a comparative studies of average diet of an American and an Asian, indicating that NORTH AMERICANS had A lessER nutritional diet than an Asian, whose high intake of soy has catered to his fatigue and depression, then the argument would have been far more persuasive.
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Good morning Tina. A well presented opinion.

Tips; Neither soy nor milk are proper nouns. Therefore they do nor require a capital letter.
Your punctuation needs urgent attention. A space must be left following a comma or full stop!

Kitos. 8/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Tinamary]

Thanks Kitos!I'll be careful regarding the punctuation.