GRE® argu essay:The following appeared in a newspaper feature story. “At the small

[Reinaldo200189]

Hi, please help me rate and comment on my essay so that I could improve on my GRE argument writing. Thanks a lot.

The following appeared in a newspaper feature story. “At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."

At first glance, it would be obvious to conclude that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit area, but if we look further, the fact stated is not strong enough to support such conclusion.

First of all, we need to consider that Saluda is a town, while Megaville is a city. As far as I know, that a town will have less number of people living compared to a city, therefore we can also assume that there will be less number of patients coming to Saluda compared to Megaville, and therefore it is inappropriate to compare those two hospital with different size. It was stated that The Saluda hospital has more employee per patient than the hospital in Megaville, but it’s not appropriate to compare if the hospital in the Saluda has only 10 employees for only 3 patients, while the hospital in Megaville has 300 employees for 400-500 patients, and therefore bigger hospital will likely to have more complaints.

Another thing that we might consider further is the degree of injury/disease of the patients. It was stated that the cure rate in Saluda was higher than in Megaville, and the patients’ stay in Saluda was less than in Megaville, but it would be not appropriate to compare those two if the degree of sickness of patients is different. Considering that the hospital in Saluda is small and non-profit while the one in Megaville is larger and for-profit, we could also assume that the hospital in Megaville would more likely to have a better medical facility and equipment than the one in Saluda. In addition, the fact that Megaville is close to Saluda, could also give another possibility that people in Saluda with more severe injuries/diseases will go to Megaville to look for a better treatment. Therefore it’s not appropriate compare if the patients in Saluda only had disease like flu, stomachache, diarrhea while the patients in Megaville came with cancer, car accident, and other severe injuries. Then it will be normal if the one in Megaville will have less cure rate and more average of patients’ stay.

Therefore in conclusion, it is to early to conclude that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospital. Further analysis and detailed analysis should be made before such conclusion is drawn.

[Kitosdad]

Hi, please help me rate and comment on my essay so that I could improve on my GRE argument writing. Thanks a lot.

The following appeared in a newspaper feature story. “At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."


At first glance, it would be obvious to conclude that treatment in smaller, non-profit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit area, but if we look further, the fact stated is not strong enough to support such conclusion.

First of all, we need to consider that Saluda is a town, while Megaville is a city. As far as I know, that a town will have A lessER number of people living THERE compared to a city, therefore we can also assume that there will be A lessER number of patients coming to Saluda compared to Megaville, and therefore it is inappropriate to compare those two hospital with different sizeS. It was stated that The Saluda hospital has more employeeS per patient than the hospital in Megaville, but it’s not appropriate to compare if the hospital in the Saluda has only 10 employees for only 3 patients, while the hospital in Megaville has 300 employees for 400-500 patients, and therefore THE bigger hospital IS MORE likely to have more complaints.

Another thing that we might consider further is the degree of injury/disease of the patients. It was stated that the cure rate in Saluda was higher than in Megaville, and the patients’ stay in Saluda was less than in Megaville, but it would NOT BE appropriate to compare those two if the degree of sickness of patients is different. Considering that the hospital in Saluda is small and non-profit while the one in Megaville is larger and for-profit, we could also assume that the hospital in Megaville would BE more likely to have better medical facilitIES and equipment than the one in Saluda. In addition, the fact that Megaville is close to Saluda, could also give another possibility that people in Saluda, with more severe injuries/diseases, will go to Megaville to look for a better treatment. Therefore it’s not appropriate compare if the patients in Saluda only had disease like flu, stomach ache, diarrhoea while the patients in Megaville COME with cancer, FOLLOWING A car accident, and other severe injuries. Then it will be normal if the one in Megaville will have A less cure rate and A more average LENGTH of patients’ stay.

Therefore in conclusion, it is to early to conclude that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospital. Further analysis and detailed analysis should be made before such A conclusion is drawn.
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Not bad Reinaldo, but you obviously need more practice. Your opinions are sound but you might have concentrated more on the need for profit and the obvious drive for economy in Megaville.

Kitos. 7.5/10
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