GRE®® Argumentive Essay: Previous experience has shown that our stores are most

[J_Edison]

Hi this is my first argument. please give me some suggestions! thanks!

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The argument is well organized, but not utterly acceptable. The vice president recommends setting their new store in Plainsville, where the exercise apparel and a health club are highly popular and there have a group of new customers. It seems plausible, however, there still several questionable facets have been overlooked.

First of all, the exercise apparel sell better than ever, shows by the report from the local merchants, do not indicate the residents there are very concerned with leading healthy lives. The report is doubtful, considering its provenance, for there are not any other evident can prove the merchants are providing the truth data, not just for the benefit. Even if the report is reliable, the assumption is still unsubstantial. The all-time-high sales may be caused by a global fashion of sport style, a low price than ever, a great advertisement effect, the unprecedented economic growth, so forth and so on.

It is similar that the health club, which has more members than ever, cannot be identified as a symbol of healthy lives. It claims that the members in the club are more than ever, but it doesn’t show us that how much is the growth rate, maybe just one or two more members than before. At the same time, the weight training and aerobics classes may be just a place for these residents to relax or meet friends. So it is unsubstantial in any way.

Moreover, the author also mentions the foreseeable customers, for the students in Plainsville have to participate in a fitness program. In fact, future customers are uncertain. Because it may take them 20 years to grow up until they need to buy these health food or other health-related products. The Nature’s Way might be has closed that time. Even if this company is still running at that time, these students, who have joined the fitness program, might be leading unhealthy lives. They maybe wouldn’t help to the profit at all.

In addition, even if these assumptions above are reliable and reasonable, they show the residents in Plainsville love sports at best. It’s easy to find a numbers of people around you, for example, who always eat junk food after sport. So the argument simply equates loving sports with leading healthy lives is unwarranted.

Finally, lacking more specific information, it is difficult to assess the trustworthiness of the previous experience. Many merchants, in fact, have closed down because they just following the previous experience simply instead of analyzing the current situation. In addition, there are multifarious variables, which are always more important, that can affect the profit such as the local economic level, the brand popularity and the competition with other companies.

Thus, absent enough detailed information, the conclusion that the Nature’s Way should build their next new store in Plainsville is irresponsible.

[Kitosdad]

Hi this is my first argument. please give me some suggestions! thanks!

"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The argument is well organized, but not AT ALL acceptable. The vice president recommends setting their new store in Plainsville, where the exercise apparel and a health club are highly popular and THEY have a group of new customers. It seems plausible, however, there still several questionable facets WHICH have been overlooked.

First of all, the exercise apparel sell better than ever, shows by the report from the local merchants, do not indicate the residents there are very concerned with leading healthy lives. The report is doubtful, considering its provenance, for there are not any other evident can prove the merchants are providing the truth data, not just for the benefit. Even if the report is reliable, the assumption is still unsubstantial. The all-time-high sales may be caused by a global fashion of sport style, a low price than ever, a great advertisement effect, the unprecedented economic growth, so forth and so on.

It is similar that the health club, which has more members than ever, cannot be identified as a symbol of healthy lives. It claims that the members in the club are more than ever, but it doesn’t show us that how much is the growth rate, maybe just one or two more members than before. At the same time, the weight training and aerobics classes may be just a place for these residents to relax or meet friends. So it is unsubstantial in any way.

Moreover, the author also mentions the foreseeable customers, for the students in Plainsville have to participate in a fitness program. In fact, future customers are uncertain. Because it may take them 20 years to grow up until they need to buy these health food or other health-related products. The Nature’s Way might be has closed that time. Even if this company is still running at that time, these students, who have joined the fitness program, might be leading unhealthy lives. They maybe wouldn’t help to the profit at all.

In addition, even if these assumptions above are reliable and reasonable, they show the residents in Plainsville love sports at best. It’s easy to find a numbers of people around you, for example, who always eat junk food after sport. So the argument simply equates loving sports with leading healthy lives is unwarranted.

Finally, lacking more specific information, it is difficult to assess the trustworthiness of the previous experience. Many merchants, in fact, have closed down because they just following the previous experience simply instead of analyzing the current situation. In addition, there are multifarious variables, which are always more important, that can affect the profit such as the local economic level, the brand popularity and the competition with other companies.

Thus, absent enough detailed information, the conclusion that the Nature’s Way should build their next new store in Plainsville is irresponsible.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::This work is poor, and would net you dismal scores in any examination. You really have to knuckle down and do a lot more reading. I abandoned editing it before the end of the first paragraph. You really have to try harder than this.

Kitos. 6/10
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.