Funny imagery/figurative language

[Conchita]

I found these quite good:

A full mouth big enough to seat a family of six
A laughter that sounds like someone smashing up several industrial-sized conservatories
A yodelly yawn
Don't be an old stick in the mud: old-fashioned
Her face has more lifts than the Empire State Building (this one is a bit irreverent, sorry)
I almost jumped a foot in the air with shock
I feel as though I were using a sword agains cobwebs
I have to keep my mouth shut and burn holes in the lining of my stomach
It isn't merely the mother of all hangovers she has. It's the mother-in-law
It was the black fruit-gum of the packet
Listening with his ears out on stalks
My brain went into screensaver mode
To be as snug as a bug in a rug

[/list]

[Jamie (K)]

When my father explained that he was surprised about something, he used to day, "I pretty near dropped my teeth!"

He said this long before he even had false teeth.