Issue48 The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals

[Uriel]

ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
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New comer here~~~~~~~~~~Thanks for your revision~~~~

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When talk about history events, people easily think of some famous individuals, such as President Washington. However, while individuals contribute to develop our society, collective people weigh equally.

One must admit that, sometimes individuals' spirits lead to achievement, just considering Edison's bulb and Einstein’s theory of relativity. It seems that, in the past several centuries, in the scientific realm, individual scientists’ endeavor changed our world much; and it's reasonable for people today remember them and study their great mind. Nonetheless, scientific researches today require more team work, since knowledge increases too rapidly. Though these team members, but the team leader, may not leave a name in history centuries later, we cannot deny their efforts.

Although individuals' efforts count more in the history of science, it is groups who devoted their body and blood in the history of war. Without tens of thousands of brave soldiers to advance forward, how can Napoleon stand on the whole Europe land and announce his empire established? Without tens of thousands of workers to build the Great Wall in China, how can the Empire Qin defend itself against the invasion from the North? Unfortunately, what are these people’s names and where are these people's tombs?

However, it is impossible and impractical to record these people's names; it is not the essence of studying history. Still, it is important for students of history to be aware of the contributions these groups of people have made. History mainly leads people today to learn from the past and give guidance to the future, and thus emphasizing on individuals can mostly achieve this goal. Though masses of people do not necessarily be recorded in the history book, other ways, like the Korean War Monument, can honor their brave hearts for freedom.

In the final analysis, groups of people contributed our society equally as the famous individuals did, though they are not recorded in history individually for some practical reasons. It is still important for people today to be aware of the endeavors of groups when talking about famous individuals.

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[Kitosdad]

ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
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New comer here~~~~~~~~~~Thanks for your revision~~~~

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When talk about history events, people easily think of some famous individuals, such as President Washington. However, while individuals contribute to develop our society, collective people'S CONTRIBUTIONS weigh equally.

One must admit that sometimes individuals' spirits lead to achievement(.) Consider IF YOU WILL Edison's bulb and Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. It seems that in the past several centuries, in the scientific realm, individual scientists’ endeavorS changed our world A GREAT DEAL(,) and it's reasonable for people today TO remember them and study their great mindS. Nonetheless, scientific researches today require more team work, since knowledge increases too rapidly. Although these team members, may not leave THEIR nameS in history centuries later, we cannot deny their efforts.

Although individuals' efforts count more in the history of science, it is groups who devoted their body and blood in the history of war. Without tens of thousands of brave soldiers advancING forward, how COULD Napoleon stand on the whole OF Europe and announce his empire established? Without tens of thousands of workers to build the Great Wall in China, how COULD the Empire Qin HAVE defendED itself against the invasion from the North?
Unfortunately, TODAY NO ONE KNOWS these people’s names OR where THE tombs OF THESE PEOPLE ARE LOCATED.

However, it is impossible and impractical to record these people's names; it is not the essence of studying history. EVEN SO, it is important for students of history to be aware of the contributions these groups of people have made. History mainly leads people today to learn from the past and IN GIVING guidance to the future, and thus emphasizing on individuals can mostly achieve this goal. Though masses of people MAY not necessarily be recorded in the history book, other ways, like the Korean War Monument, can honor their brave hearts for freedom.

In the final analysis, groups of people contributed TO our society equally as the famous individuals did, though they are not recorded in history individually for some practical reasons. It is still important for people today to be aware of the endeavors of groups when talking about famous individuals.

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Pretty good Uriel, although some corrections/additions were required.

Kitos. 8/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Uriel]

Thanks for your revision, Kitos~~!!~~

Your corrections are very helpful~~~

I wonder if my essey is too short, which just has about 350 words, but I have nothing more can be put in this essey.

Could you give some advices?~~thank you ~~

By the way, I find you have corrected an amazing amount of esseys posted here. It is really a wonderful work you are doing for us~~~!!~~~

[Kitosdad]

I know that you are always pushed for time in these exams, but it is a good policy to initially jot down the ideas that spring to mind when first given your topic. As soon as you run out of ideas recap what you have. Choose the best three and sideline the rest. (You may be able to incorporate one or more of them in your composition later.)
Start with your first idea and write to completion.
Then the second.
Then the third.
In your conclusion embrace all threes ideas in a concise closure.

Give it a try, then next time try against the clock. You always have more time than you think. Relax and let your brain and imagination do the rest.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Uriel]

Thanks, Kitos~~I'll try it ~~~