spend money on computer technology or basic needs

[Teen_Bear]

I'm a new member. Please, help me improve my writing skill ^^
This is my essay.
TOPIC: Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one of these opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
ESSAY:
Computer technology has changed the whole life of human-being since it was invented. Therefore, I go along with the idea that governments should invest money in computer technology rather than basic needs. I say that because computer technology helps people in many fields such as economy, education, medicine and so on. Moreover, computer technology shows the power of a country.
The first thing I care about is that computer technology supports our economy in such many ways. Businessmen can get information quickly and observe the fluctuation in economic markets easily. Also, businessmen and international companies can communicate with each other without traveling and complicated procedures. Cooperation between companies, organizations and countries, thus, becomes much more effective and easy.
Furthermore, computer technology provides us with a great access to a huge source of information and knowledge that are very useful for everyone’s studies and researches. Additionally, it gives us an availability of many educational services. For instance, last year when I was in grade 12th, I had to study very hard for my national exam in order to enter a good university; thank to the e-learning service in website www.moon.vn I passed the exam and now I am able to enter my ideal university.
At the same time, technology computer is very beneficial in medical services. It helps doctors diagnose quickly and exactly. It produces a large number of medical therapies. Modern methods with the aid of computer technology have saved the life of many people and cure many diseases. Consequently, people have a longer life expectancy.
Last but not least, as far as my perspective, computer technology presents the power of a country. Obviously, all of powerful countries in the world spend a lot of money on developing their systems of computer technology. A typical example is American- the most prosperous and powerful country. This country always considers computer technology as the first priority of theirs.
Doubtless, governments should pay attention and money on developing computer technology as much as possible. It is for proving countries’ power. Besides, it gives persons a lot of advantages in economy, education, medicine, etc.
PLEASE, CHECK AND GIVE ME FEEDBACK!

[Kitosdad]

I'm a new member. Please, help me improve my writing skill ^^
This is my essay.
TOPIC: Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one of these opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
ESSAY:
Computer technology has changed the whole life of EVERY human-being since it was FIRST invented. Therefore, I go along with the idea that governments should invest money in computer technology rather than basic needs. I say that because computer technology helps people in many fields(,) such as economy, education, medicine and so on.
Moreover, computer technology shows the power of a country.The first thing I care about is that computer technology supports our economy in SO many ways. Businessmen can get information quickly and observe the fluctuationS in economic markets easily. Also, businessmen and international companies can communicate with each other without travelLing OR BECOMING EXPOSED TO complicated, TIME CONSUMING procedures. Cooperation between companies, organizations and countries, thus, becomes much more effective and easy.
Furthermore, computer technology provides us with a great access to BOTH a huge source of information and knowledge that are very useful for everyone’s studies and researches. Additionally, it gives us an availability of many educational services. For instance, last year when I was in THE 12th GRADE, I had to study very hard for my national exam in order to enter a good university(.) ThankS to the e-learning service in website www.moon.vn I passed the exam and now I am able to enter my ideal university.
At the same time, technology computer TECHNOLOGY is very beneficial in medical services. It helps doctors diagnose quickly and exactly/ACCURATELY/PRECISELY/. It produces a large number of medical therapies. Modern methods With the aid of computer TECHNOLOGY modern methods have saved the LIVES of many people and cureD many diseases. Consequently, people TODAY have a longer life expectancy.
Last but not least, as far as my perspective, computer technology REpresents the power of a country. Obviously, all of THE powerful countries in the world spend a lot of money on developing their systems of computer technology. A typical example is AmericA- the most prosperous and powerful country IN THE WORLD. This country always considers computer technology as theIR first priority. of theirs.
Doubtless, governments should pay attention and money on developing computer technology as much as possible. It is for proving A countries’ power. Besides, it gives persons PEOPLE a lot of advantages in economy, education, medicine, etc.
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Kitos. 8.5/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Teen_Bear]

thank u so much Kitos.
my essay now is much better ^^