More funny comparisons

[Conchita]

Here are some more of my favourite funny expressions:

A job as glamorous as a cold sore
A mouth as dry as a carpet
A smile so brilliant it could be spotted from the moon
A thousand-yard smile
As tense as an exam hall
As unresponsive as a rolled-up carpet
As tough as old boots
Even an amateur psychologist who’d failed at his amateur psychologist’s exams could have figured that one out
I slathered on so much night-cream that I used to slide off my pillows
In apple-pie order
In blind man’s holiday (at nightfall)
It has all gone more pear-shaped than a skipfull of Conferences
Naked trees that look miserably bronchial

Has any of you got any funny/unusual/bizarre idioms/expressions/ comparisons/sayings, etc? Please send them out.

Thanks in advance.

[Jamie (K)]

This one is politically incorrect, but I find most of my students from China think it's funny. My sister found it in an old Raymond Chandler detective novel from the 1930s.

"She was so fat, she had more chins than a Chinese phone book."