GRE® @Issue 15 :

[Mantus]

kitos would you help me to correct this essay?
thank you a lot.

Issue 15 : The stability of a society depends on how it responds to the extremes of human behavior

I agree that extremes of human behavior such as riots and crimes would cause the instability of the society. Through the history of human, it is indeed that the change and varying of the society was induced by the extremes of human behavior. And if a society could respond to the extremes of human behavior successfully then the society would keep stable. However, even if the society could respond each extreme successfully, we can not promise the society would be stable in the future. Because the fundamental reasons of the instability of a society are not exactly the extreme of human behavior.

Through the history of human society, there are so many cases that the extremes of human behavior cause the instability of society. During the revolution of European, the citizens united together and used the violent to fight against the regime and even killed the king of kingdom. In the southeast Asia, such as Indonesia, it is almost the rule that in each election of the government and administrator, there would be a riot involved in. In these societies it is the truth that the extremes of human behavior cause the instabilities of these societies. Admittedly, if these governments of these societies respond the extreme efficiently and successfully, they can defeat the instability and protect their regime.

However, it is not the basically truth that the stability of a society entirely depends on how it responds to the extremes of human behavior. The extremes of human behavior are just the appearance on the out side of the troubles and conflicts inside the society. As the politics tell us, the economic foundation decides/determines the upper structure and architecture. The economics also control the activities of the citizens. Imagine that, if there is only 5 cents in your pocket and you live in a society which holds a pretty low rate of employment. What can you do? even worse that there are many people like you live in the same society. Admittedly there would be a trouble to the society and problems will come out.

Thus, from my point of view, the key to keep stable for the society is not just to cope with the extremes of human behavior successfully but to solve the deep problems and conflicts inside the society. If the poverty of society is eliminated and the rights of citizens are protected then there will be no citizen want to take extremes of human behavior to protest his or her willingness.

In conclusion, I agree that the extremes of human behavior in a society would cause the instability of a society but I can not stand with the statement that the stability of a society depends on how it responds to the extremes of human behavior. Because, the direct reasons of the instability in a society are the basic problems the citizens face in the society and these problems force them to take violent and extremes. Therefore, the key to keep stable for a society is to help the citizens to solve the problems not to responds to the extremes of human behavior.

[Kitosdad]

kitos would you help me to correct this essay?
thank you a lot.

Issue 15 : The stability of a society depends on how it responds to the extremes of human behavior

I agree that extremes of human behavior such as riots and crimes would cause the instability of the society. ThroughOUT the history of humanS, it is indeed that the change and varying of the society was induced by the extremes of human behavior. And If a society could respond to the extremes of human behavior successfully then the society would keep stable. However, even if the society could respond TO each extreme successfully, we (cannot) promise THAT society would REMAIN stable in the future(,) because the fundamental reasons of the instability of a society are not exactly the extremeS of human behavior.

ThroughOUT the history of human society, there are so many cases WHERE the extremes of human behavior causeD the instability of society. During the revolution of Europe, the citizens united together and used theIR COMBINED MIGHT to fight against the regime and even killed the king of kingdom. In the south east Asia, such as Indonesia, it is almost the rule that in each election of the government and administratION, there would be a riot involved in. In these societies it is the truth that the extremes of human behavior cause the instabilities of these societies. Admittedly, if these governments of these societies respond the extreme efficiently and successfully, they can defeat the instability and protect their regime.

However, it is not the basically truth that the stability of a society entirely depends on how it responds to the extremes of human behavior. The extremes of human behavior are just the appearance on the (outside) of the troubles and conflicts inside the society. As the politicIANS tell us, the economic foundation decides/determines the upper structure and architecture. The economics also control the activities of the citizens. Imagine that if there is only 5 cents in your pocket and you live in a society which holds a pretty low rate of employment; What can you do? Even worse that there are many people like you live in the same society. Admittedly there would be SOME trouble IN the society and problems will come out.

Thus, from my point of view, the key to keepING stable for the society STABLE is not just to cope with the extremes of human behavior successfully(,) but to solve the deep problems and conflicts inside the society. If the poverty of society is eliminated and the rights of citizens are protected(,) then there will be no citizen WHO want to take extremes of human behavior to protest his or her willingness DISSATISFACTION.

In conclusion, I agree that the extremes of human behavior in a society would cause the instability of a society(,) but I (cannot) stand with the statement that the stability of a society depends on how it responds to the extremes of human behavior(,) because, the direct reasons of the instability in a society are the basic problems the citizens face in the society(,) and these problems force them to take violent and extremeSTEPS. Therefore, the key to keep stable for a society is to help the citizens to solve the problems(,) not to respond to the extremes of human behavior.
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Not bad Mantus, but as you can see, you still have some way to go before you can write a really cohesive essay. This was OK, do not be disappointed. It is far better than many others could do.

Kitos. 8/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[TutorPhil]

Mantus,

Nice work.

"Because the fundamental reasons of the instability of a society are not exactly the extreme of human behavior."

Right here, in the first paragraph you should also immediately say what exactly they are. Yes - just say exactly what you mean in the thesis statement, and then elaborate in the body.

Very good - and Kitos did a great job there, too.

Phil