please rate my essay... thanks

[Parisa65]

hello Mr kitosdad (my best teacher :))
what are some of the experiences that have shaped your outlook the way you live now?

It goes without saying that people and the world around us certainly affect on our outlook and the way that we live. A clever and intelligent person is one who learns a lot from people and the world very well and attempt to find an answer to this question that "how we must live?". From my point of view, there are various and divers experiences that I mention some of the most important of them below.
First and foremost, people behave differently in various situation; for instance, a person may get angry because of traffic congestion and makes a conflict with people, whereas another person try to keep himself calm and wait to find a pass way, as a result, we all see both of these behaviors; nevertheless, only some of us are clever and try to get experience of all events that occur around us and others do not pay attention to lessons that can get easily from people's behaviors.
Second, all animals, plants and objects around us are the best teachers that we forget simply. For example, frequently we see that a bird how to trying to provide food for his children but none of us get the most important lesson of life that a small bird give us that is being patient. As another example, passing water through the river and the way that water will be faced with the large rocks in it's path; Obviously, teaches us to know that how to face with our problems. In spite of the fact that we see the world; in fact, we are blind.
In conclusion, there are many lessons that we must learn from the world and people who we live with. Needless to say, one of the most main goals of birth is learning for having a better and nicer life. Therefore, the leading way to achieve this target is learning from teachers around us.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a marine biology class

[Kitosdad]

hello Mr kitosdad (my best teacher :))
what are some of the experiences that have shaped your outlook the way you live now?

It goes without saying that people and the world around us certainly HAVE AN affect on our outlook and the way that we live. A clever and intelligent person is one who learns a lot from people and the world very well, and attemptS to find an answer to this question; that "How must we live?". From my point of view, there are various and diversE experiences we must encounter(.) I mention some of the most important of them below.

First and foremost, people behave differently in various situationS; for instance, a person may get angry because of traffic congestion and makes a conflict with OTHER people, whereas another person trIES to keep himself calm and wait to find a pass way TO PASS(.) As a result we all see both of these behaviors(.) Nevertheless, only some of us are clever and try to GAIN experience FROM all OF THE events that occur around us(.) Others do not pay attention to lessons that can get easily from people's behaviors.

Second, all animals, plants and objects around us are the best teachers that we SIMPLY forget simply. For example, frequently we see that a bird how to IS trying to provide food for his children but none of us get the most important lesson of life that a small bird giveS us(,) that OF being patient. As another example, passing water through the river and the way that water will be RACING DOWNSTREAM AND BEING faced with the large rocks in its path teaches us to know how to face UP TO our problems. In spite of the fact that we see the world; we are IN FACT,QUITE BLIND.
In conclusion, there are many lessons that we must learn from the world and people WITH WHOM WE LIVE. Needless to say, one of the most COMMON goals of birth is learning TO HAVE a better and nicer life. Therefore, the OBVIOUS way to achieve this target is learning from THE teachers THAT SURROUND us.
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Not bad Parisa. Try to do more reading.

Kitos. 8/10
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