 #2 (permalink) Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:33 pm Argument Essay: Three years ago, the neighbouring town of Cedar Grove built a |
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Hi,
Please review my Argument Essay.
Thanks in advance!
The following is a recommendation from the mayor of Sunny Harbor to the town council.
“Three years ago, the neighboring town of Cedar Grove built a new shopping mall. During the past 3 years, Cedar Groves tax revenue has risen by 40 percent. The best way to improve Sunny Harbor’s economy and generate additional tax revenues is to build a bigger shopping mall than the one in Cedar Grove.”
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The recommendation letter from the mayor of Sunny Harbor (SH) to the town council necessitates the construction of a bigger shopping mall than the one in Cedar Grove (CG), in order to improve SH’s economy and generate additional tax revenue. The claim made by the mayor seems specious and highly implausible.
The recommendation from the mayor rests on the assumption that the only way to improve SH’s economy is to construct a big shopping mall. The mayor fails to understand or ignores other aspects of the town that can boost the economy. The town(,) being aN harbor(,) could necessarily build parks and IMPROVE THE bay area’s to attract touristS ////////and local town people improving the prospects of shops, bay side restaurants ,thereby increasing tax revenues and prospects of commerce in SH. Also, a big shopping mall would not be able to bring in more revenue if it does not get the returns as expected, either due to poor business or due to an existing mall in nearby town - CG. Likewise, a bigger shopping mall would not bring more revenue if the town is not developed. Without proper transportation facilities, general infrastructure, SH would find it even more difficult to attract business with a big shopping mall.
Mayor might be true in saying that CG saw an increase in the revenue in past 3 years, after the opening of CG mall. But, the mayor fails to analyse the differences between the 2 towns and the reasons behind the success of the mall in CG. As previously suggested a mall would have been the only source to attract more business in CG. A shopping mall may very well bring more trade in to the town. But, it requires a strong infrastructure for smooth trade that might call for high capital, thereby making the implementation of proposal expensive. Furthermore, mall in CG has contributed only a 40 percent to the revenue. The mayor fails to analyse the sources of the remaining lion’s share of revenue.
In order to strengthen the argument mayor could have added survey results indicating the increase in revenue due to the shopping mall, opinion of the town’s people and above all, valid reasons for the requirement of a mall in SH. Also, the report could have incorporated a study of various resources of SG and how they could be effectively deployed to improve the revenue. If mayor had documented the premise with more data, his arguments would have been far more persuasive and his reasoning could have been justified.
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I had to stop editing this work Tina, because it is so disorganised. Everything you have written so far could easily have been written within a concise paragraph. Because it is not a factual report you are not able to do any research on the topic, therefore you need to turn to your imagination for help, and not only the brief introductory details.
Create the scenarion in your mind and tell it as you see it in reality.
Kitos. 7.5/10
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 Kitosdad
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