It is my grateful to have your help in my English writin

[Kelly]

Dear Alan and Torsten,
Firstly, thanks so much for your kindly help and generosity in establishing a new forum of writing English.
Secondly, there is no doubt that writing skill is very significant for us, especially when we don't know how to correctly use the grammar and word choices. With your help, I believe that it is no longer a problem for us.
Anyway, with my new and first topic, today I am going to write an article to the advertisement company, which has annouced on the magazine that 'Young people are spending more time each day on their computers than watching television. Is this a change for the better?' to give my opinion.
I wonder if can have your idea on my article, HERE is my writing:
The answer will be more accurate if we can make a comparision of the advantages and disadvantages between computers and television. Undoubtly, UNDOUBTEDLY communication and leisure are two major parts of our lives which computers and television have improved.
In communication, one of the things THAT has changed our lives immensely is the Internet.
BY connecting to the Internet, people are no longer to (HAVE TO) travel a long distance to visit their friends or parents.
They can even find out more information as well as participate in many discussions at the same time.
On the other hands,(HAND) you can't get this on television.
However, leisure is another aspect of everyday life that television has broughT to us.
Just holding a remote control on your hand, you can sit down and relax to choose your favourite channels or programmes.
From my point of view, it is worth MORE than playing the computer games which are involved IN violence and cruetly.(CRUELTY)
Eventually, as for me, I'd rather spend more time on MY computer than watching (WATCH) television, because I am interested in learning English so I wish to get more information about it.

By the way, as you all always say, looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Best regards,

I have made some amendments/corrections. The piece you have written is good.

Alan

[Alan]

Hi Kelly,

As you can see I have made some amendments:

Guest

Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 8:46 am Post subject: re: It is my grateful to have your help in my English writing

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Dear Alan and Torsten,
Firstly, thanks so much for your kindly help and generosity in establishing a new forum of writing English.
Secondly, there is no doubt that writing skill is very significant for us, especially when we don't know how to correctly use the grammar and word choices. With your help, I believe that it is no longer a problem for us.
Anyway, with my new and first topic, today I am going to write an article to the advertisement company, which has annouced on the magazine that 'Young people are spending more time each day on their computers than watching television. Is this a change for the better?' to give my opinion.
I wonder if can have your idea on my article, HERE is my writing:
The answer will be more accurate if we can make a comparision of the advantages and disadvantages between computers and television. Undoubtly, UNDOUBTEDLY communication and leisure are two major parts of our lives which computers and television have improved.
In communication, one of the things THAT has changed our lives immensely is the Internet.
BY connecting to the Internet, people are no longer to (HAVE TO) travel a long distance to visit their friends or parents.
They can even find out more information as well as participate in many discussions at the same time.
On the other hands,(HAND) you can't get this on television.
However, leisure is another aspect of everyday life that television has broughT to us.
Just holding a remote control on your hand, you can sit down and relax to choose your favourite channels or programmes.
From my point of view, it is worth MORE than playing the computer games which are involved IN violence and cruetly.(CRUELTY)
Eventually, as for me, I'd rather spend more time on MY computer than watching (WATCH) television, because I am interested in learning English so I wish to get more information about it.

By the way, as you all always say, looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Best regards,

I have made some amendments/corrections. The piece you have written is good.

Alan


_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Only Three Letters

[Kelly]

Hi Alan
Thanks so much for your prompt reply.
You know, I am thinking to take an FCE (First Certificate English) test in this end of 2006 and the most significant thing I worry about is my writing. Perhaps after Chinese New Year, I will have to concentrate more on it. By the way, I really wish to have your advise on my English skills, do u think I am now qualified enough to take the test? I am sure you know very well about the examination right.
Anyway, I really thank and appreciate for your time and opinion.
Hope to hear from you soon,

Best wishes,

[Alan]

Hi Kelly,

It's difficult for me to say whether you should take the First Cetificate on the basis of one piece of writing. All I can say from the piece you sent, is that you have a reasonable standard of written English. I'm sure if you work hard, you will be successful. My advice is that you find some past papers of the First Certificate and work on them. Good luck.

Alan
_________________
English as a Foreign Language
You can read my EFL story Colour Idioms

[Kelly]

Hi Alan
Thank you.
What you have just said is very reasonable, I will take it to my heart and try to do some more writing. Hope that I can pass the exams. Anyway, I still need your help in improving my writing.
Again, thanks in advance for your generosity and understanding.

Regards,