argument238--please correct

[Vinnie]

ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."

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The president of Mira Vista College (MVC), in order to help MVC's graduates find jobs, concludes that MVC must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors. To support this point, the arguer cites the evidence that the ninety percent graduates of Green Mountain College (GMC) last year got job offers and only seventy percent of MVC's seniors last year found full-time jobs within three months, in which only fifty percent of these graduates were employed in the field of their major. This argument has several flaws appeared in the process of reasoning.

The major problem with this argument is that the comparison between the GMC and MVC is incomplete, because there are many other factors would influence to the employment result of two colleges. Firstly, the author does not give us the information of two colleges such as ranking, credit, the teaching capability of their faculty etc. Secondly, the author also does not show the requirement of graduates between GMC and MVC such as payment of employment, working hours, and credit of company etc. Finally, the standard of employment between GMC and MVC is different. In MVC, the graduates who had job offers within three months, we cannot ensure that GMC is the same conditions with it. Without showing that the two colleges are similar in these and other respects, the author cannot justify recommendation of comparison between GMC and MVC. And also the survey does not include all the graduates in MVC, thus it is almost impossible to evaluate the employment result in MVC.

Another flaw that weakens the logic of the argument is that the president provides no evidence that the business courses and job counselors is the reason for the GMC's ninety percent of employment the last year's graduating seniors. Perhaps there is no causal relationship between the high employment rate and GMC’s business courses and job counselors. Maybe it is only because the GMC’s tradition or quality of teaching. Moreover, perhaps GMC's courses and counselors can lead high rate of employment, it is necessary for MVC to adopt the same way with GMC. In short the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between GMC’s courses and counselors and its high rate of employment and cannot convince me that MVC should take the same way as GMC’s.

Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw in the argument. The only method that increase the courses in business and computer technology and hire job counselors might not be the best solution for the MVC's problem of graduating seniors’ employment. Suppose that adding courses in business and computer technology and hire job counselors could increase the rate of graduate's employment, it is not the only way. On the one hand, the MVC might have not enough funds and teachers to achieve this goal, furthermore it is not also depends on the quantity of course and counselor but depends on the quality. On the other, there are other ways to achieve it such as providing more information about application for the graduates, improving the quality of teaching. So offering the courses and hiring the counselors is not the only way to help MVC's graduates to find job.

In conclusion, if the president could provide more accurate information about situation for MVC and GMC's employment and two colleges’ basic messages, the argument would be better supported.

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This is my first writing of argument. I am new here, thank you.

[Kitosdad]

ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselLors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."

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The president of Mira Vista College (MVC), in order to help MVC's graduates find jobs, concludes that MVC must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselLors. To support this point, the arguer cites the evidence that ninety percent OF graduates of Green Mountain College (GMC) last year got job offers, and only seventy percent of MVC's seniors last year found full-time jobs within three months(.) in which o Only fifty percent of these graduates were employed in the field of their major. This argument has several flaws APPARENT in the process of reasoning.

The major problem with this argument is that the comparison between the GMC and MVC is incomplete, because there are many other factors WHICH would influence to the employment result of two colleges. Firstly, the author does not give us the information of two colleges such as ranking, credit, the teaching capability of their faculty etc. Secondly, the author also does not show the requirement of graduates between GMC and MVC such as payment of employment, working hours, and credit of company etc. Finally, the standard of employment between GMC and MVC is different. In MVC, the graduates who had job offers within three months, we cannot ensure that GMC is the same conditions with it. Without showing that the two colleges are similar in these and other respects, the author cannot justify recommendation of comparison between GMC and MVC. And also the survey does not include all the graduates in MVC, thus it is almost impossible to evaluate the employment result in MVC.

Another flaw that weakens the logic of the argument is that the president provides no evidence that the business courses and THE GREATER NUMBER OF job counselLors is the reason for the GMC's ninety percent of employment NUMBERS FOR the last year's graduating seniors. Perhaps there is no causal relationship between the high employment rate and GMC’s business courses and job counselors. Maybe it is only because the GMC’s tradition or quality of teaching. Moreover, perhaps GMC's courses and counselors can lead TO THE high rate of employment(.) It is necessary for MVC to adopt the same POLICIES AS GMC. In short the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between GMC’s courses and counselLors and its high rate of employment and cannot convince me that MVC should take the same way as GMC’s.

Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw in the argument. The only method that increaseS the courses in business and computer technology and THE hirING OF job counselors might not be the best solution for the MVC's problem of graduating seniors’ employment. Suppose that adding courses in business and computer technology and hirING job counselors could increase the rate of graduate's employment, it is STILL not the only way. On the one hand, the MVC might have not enough funds and teachers to achieve this goal, furthermore it is not ONLY depends on the quantity of courseS and counselLorS but RATHER on the quality. On the other, there are other ways to achieve it, such as providing more information about application for the graduates, improving the quality of teaching. So offering MORE courses and hiring MORE counselLors is not the only way to help MVC's graduates to find jobS.

In conclusion, if the president could provide more accurate information about THE situation OF MVC and GMC's employment and THE two colleges’ basic messages, the argument would be better supported.

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Not really clear enough Vinnie. You comparisons were a little vague and badly couched.

Kitos. 7/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Vinnie]

Thanks for your edit, this is my first argument writing. It is true that I have no good enough, but I will try my best.