Critique my argument analysis?

[Yllihp]

Anyone wanna critique my argument analysis?

The argument:

The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.

"Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."

My essay:

The conclusion that the decline in economy is the cause of the decline in physical fitness levels, and that fitness levels will improve when the economy does is not entirely convincing. While this conclusion is an obvious one given the fact that expenditure on fitness products and services are unusually low this year, there may be other explanations to declining fitness levels other than the declining economy. The article attempts to rule out one alternative explanation for the declining fitness levels, namely that people spend too much time on computers, by reasoning that fitness levels are highest in regions where levels of computer ownership are highest. However, the regions studied may be unrepresentative of the rest of the country. There are also many other possible explanations that must be ruled out in order to arrive at the conclusion that the declining economy has caused the declining fitness levels.

One such alternative explanation is perhaps propoganda warning about the dangers of exercise was spread by someone such as a doctor who would benefit from increased demand of heart surgery due to the resultant increase in the population of unfit people.

Another very possible explanation for the low fitness levels as compared to 20 years ago is the country's technological progress. Technology may have encouraged a lazy way of life as people people to opt to take cars and elevators over travelling on foot and taking the stairs.

In addition, the argument in the article relies on two crucial assumptions. The first is that investing in fitness products and services is actually required in order to exercise. However there are many forms of exercise which require minimum equipment (e.g. running). The second assumption is that exercising is required in order to achieve physical fitness. The argument would be strengthened if it first asserted the benefits of exercise to physical fitness.

Even if the the declining fitness levels were indeed due to the declining economy, this does not mean that fitness levels will improve when the economy does. After having not exercised regularly for a while, people may find that they prefer it this way due to the money saved from not having to spend on fitness products and services, and will continue not exercising even when the economy improves.

[Kitosdad]

Why do you continue to post two essays at the same time? You cannot possibly have written two essays in such a short space of time.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.