ARGUMENT203--please correct it

[Vinnie]

ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."
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In the argument above, the arguer points out that at the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days, and that at large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six day. Furthermore the argue also gives the evident that the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megacille hospital, and the Saluda hospital has more numbers of doctor than the Megacille hospital. The auger use the data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in large, for-profit hospitals. However, it is true that the arguer's viewpoint is correct, but there are few flaws in this argument.

Firstly, we cannot simple use the data that size of hospital, character of hospital, and even the average length of a patient's stay, to analogy the two different hospitals. At first, the arguer just gives us that Saluda's hospital is smaller than Megaville's hospital. To this evident, we only know that the dimensions of two hospital, for this data we cannot conclude anything between two hospital but size. Unless the arguer gives more evident about the technique of two different hospitals. Evenmore, the auther shows that Saluda's hospital is a nonprofit hospital, and Megaville's hospital is a for-profit hospital. To this evident, we just can conclude that two hospitals have different among the aspect of economy. But we do not know that the charge of patient of two hospitals, and the different of economy of where two hospitals' area. Finally, the auther shows that in Saluda's hospital average length of a patient's stay is two days, and in Megaville is six days, however, perheps the Saluda's hospital has not enough technique to crue the patient and soon to transport the patient and make patient stay less days, or perheps the Megaville's hospital have the rule that every patient should take a full body examine before check out and make patient stay more days, even perheps there are different type of patient to the two different hospitals, might be the Megaville's hospital often crue the heavy patient but Saluda's hospital is not. So that we cannot have more information about patient's stay but the time that patient's stay. In sum, we cannot use the data that author gives to conclude more imformation, like technique, numbers of doctors ,etc, but only the dimensions, the character and the time of patient's stay. Unless the author gives more evident about two different hospitals.

What's more, the author shows that the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. For this evident, we cannot analogy between two hospitals, because it might be lead us have a vague comprehend. First of all, according to the paragraph two, we do not know the technique about two hospitals, might be the Saluda hospital's technique is better than the Megaville hospital. So if it is true, then it can make the cure rate of Saluda's hospital higher than Megaville. Secondly, for the counterpart, we also can conclude the type of patient that in the Saluda is lighter than the Megaville, might be in Saluda that often has the graze's patient, but in Megaville that often has the crash's patient. Then cure rate of Saluda's hospital is higher than Megaville's hospital not because the technique, but the type of patient. In short, it is easily has a vague comprehend, unless the author gives more information about the cure rate, it is open to doubt.

Finally, the arguer shows that the Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville. The data that arguer is not enough completed, and also make us confuse about it. The arguer only gives us that the Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than Megaville's, but not shows that the numbers of patients and doctors of two different areas. The arguer tell us that Saluda is near Megaville, and Saluda is a town, Megaville is a city, as we all know that the number of patients in city is far more than the town. So if it is true, even with the same number of doctors of two hospitals, then is observe that the Saluda hospital must has more employees per patient than the Megaville only because the number of patients are different, but not the reasons of technique or economy.

In conclusion, the arguer believe that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in large, for-profit hospitals. In some part, I strong agree with the viewpoint of the arguer, but there are few flaws of this argument and pool of evident. Unless the arguer gives more evident and correct the flaws, this argument still open to doubt.

[Kitosdad]

ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."
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In the argument above, the arguer points out that at the small, non-profit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days, and that at large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six day. Furthermore the argue also gives the evidenCE that the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megacille hospital, and the Saluda hospital has more numbers of doctor than the Megacille hospital. The ARGUER use the data indicatING that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in large, for-profit hospitals. However, it is true that the arguer's viewpoint is correct, but there are A few flaws in this argument.

Firstly, we cannot simple use the data that size of hospital, character of hospital, and even the average length of a patient's stay, to analogy the two different hospitals. At first, the arguer just gives us that Saluda's hospital is smaller than Megaville's hospital. To this evident, we only know that the dimensions of two hospital, FROM this data we cannot conclude anything between two hospital but size. Unless the arguer gives more evidenCE about the technique of two different hospitals. Even more, the authOr shows that Saluda's hospital is a nonprofit hospital, and Megaville's hospital is a for-profit hospital. FROM this evidenCE, we just can ONLY conclude that two hospitals have differenCES BETWEEN the aspectS of economy. But we do not know that the charge of patient of two hospitals, and the differenCE of economy of where two hospitals' area.

Finally, the auther shows that in Saluda's hospital average length of a patient's stay is two days, and in Megaville is six days, however, perheps the Saluda's hospital has not enough technique to crue the patient and soon to transport the patient and make patient stay less days, or perheps the Megaville's hospital have the rule that every patient should take a full body examine before check out and make patient stay more days, even perheps there are different type of patient to the two different hospitals, might be the Megaville's hospital often crue the heavy patient but Saluda's hospital is not. So that we cannot have more information about patient's stay but the time that patient's stay. In sum, we cannot use the data that author gives to conclude more imformation, like technique, numbers of doctors ,etc, but only the dimensions, the character and the time of patient's stay. Unless the author gives more evident about two different hospitals.

What's more, the author shows that the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. For this evident, we cannot analogy between two hospitals, because it might be lead us have a vague comprehend. First of all, according to the paragraph two, we do not know the technique about two hospitals, might be the Saluda hospital's technique is better than the Megaville hospital. So if it is true, then it can make the cure rate of Saluda's hospital higher than Megaville. Secondly, for the counterpart, we also can conclude the type of patient that in the Saluda is lighter than the Megaville, might be in Saluda that often has the graze's patient, but in Megaville that often has the crash's patient. Then cure rate of Saluda's hospital is higher than Megaville's hospital not because the technique, but the type of patient. In short, it is easily has a vague comprehend, unless the author gives more information about the cure rate, it is open to doubt.

Finally, the arguer shows that the Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville. The data that arguer PRESENTS is not COMPREHENSIVE enough completed, and also CAUSES us TO BE confuseD about it. The arguer only gives us that the Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than Megaville's, but DOES not show the numbers of patients EACH DOCTOR TREATS.and doctors of two different areas. The arguer tell us that Saluda is near Megaville, and Saluda is a town, WHILST Megaville is a city(.) As we all know that the number of patients in ANY city is far more than IN A town. So if it is true, even with the same number of doctors of two hospitals, then IT is LOGICAL that the Saluda hospital must HAVE more employees per patient than the Megaville only because the number of patients are different, but not the reasons of technique or economy.

In conclusion, the arguer believe that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in large, for-profit hospitals. In some part, I strong agree with the viewpoint of the arguer, but there are few flaws of this argument and pool of evidenCE. Unless the arguer gives more evidenCE and correctS theSE flaws, this argument IS still open to doubt.
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Try to be more concise Vinnie. Your work is sound, but you go an awful long way around to expound your beliefs.

Kitos. 8/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Vinnie]

Thank you very much, kitos.

I will have the gre in Sep.17, so I have 3 questions about argument writing:

1. Argument 203 and Argument 238 that I have already writing, but for this two articles' mode are different. In 238, I was found out 3 logistic mistakes, and used 3 body paragraphs to attack each logistic mistake. In 203, I was followed argument's logic, and used 3 body paragraphs to attack each evidence's logistic mistake. I have no idea, which mode is better?

2. Another question, for the argument writing, on one hand, is the reasoning for the logistic mistake. On the other hand, is to particularize the other reasons such as give the example for the argument's mistake. I do not know, which one is more important when I take the argument writing.

3. I was found that I am alway thinking about what I want to say in Chinese and then translating it into English words. How can i try to thinking in English?

Thanks for your answer.

[Turkport78]

do u know free sites to train my writing ability