Can anyone please rate my essay?

[Ketan8]

TOPIC: Students at a university often have a choice of place to live.They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community.Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community.Where would you prefer to live?Give reasons for your preference.

My response below:

Experience is a great teacher. I agree totally agree with this statement that one can learn more from experiences. I feel that the to one gets to learn more if one live in the university housing rather than apartment in the community. So I will prefer to live in the university dormitories for the below mentioned reasons.

First, living in the dormitory makes you more responsible. One learns to manage his/her finances because one has to pay the hostel mess bills. One has to clean his/her room on its own; no maid will come and clean your room. One has to manage study and recreational time. Even clothes one has to wash means these type small things make one realize that life is not a bed of roses and everyone has to manage own its own. These types of activities make one more independent and more responsible.

Second, Living in the dormitories is the best way of socializing with other people. One gets to meet new people and can get to make new friends. In dormitories, one gets to meet all type of people like people who are selfish, friendly, irritating. Meeting different types of people gives the person experience of dealing with people. One can never feel lonely in the dormitory because friends are always around. One can go and play some games in friend’s room, can talk for hours discussing about anything or can watch movies together. But in the apartment one has the limited resources to ward off the boredom.

Third, although some might argue that one can study without any disturbance in the apartment. But I feel that if one is living in the dormitory then one can share
/borrow notes, books with other friends. If one is not able to understand any topic then one can easily ask some one to explain that topic. Even friends can have group discussions about different topics which are about to come in exam and this thing will help them in saving time.

So I would like to conclude that it’s better to live in university housing rather than to live in apartment in the community. Living in the hostel dormitory makes you more independent, responsible and one makes new friends. One gets the real taste of life.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which designer did not work at the Bauhaus?

[Kitosdad]

TOPIC: Students at a university often have a choice of place to live.They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community.Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community.Where would you prefer to live?Give reasons for your preference.

My response below:

Experience is a great teacher. I agree totally agree with this statement that one can learn more from experiences. I feel that the to one gets to learn more if one live in the university housing rather than apartment in the community. So I will prefer to live in the university dormitories for the below mentioned reasons.

First, living in the dormitory makes you more responsible. One learns to manage his/her finances because one has to pay the hostel mess bills. One has to clean his/her room on THEIR own; no maid will come and clean your room. One has to manage study and recreational time. Even clothes one has to wash means these typICAL small things make one realize that life is not a bed of roses and everyone has to manage ON THEIR own. These types of activities make one more independent and more responsible.

Second, Living in the dormitories is the best way of socializing with other people. One gets to meet new people and can get to make new friends. In dormitories, one gets to meet all type of people(,) like people who are selfish, friendly, irritating. Meeting different types of people gives the person experience of dealing with people. One can never feel lonely in the dormitory because friends are always around. One can go and play some games in THEIR friend’s room, can talk for hours discussing about anything or THEY can watch movies together. But In AN apartment one has the limited resources to ward off the boredom.

Third, although some might argue that one can study without any disturbance in the apartment(,) I feel that if one is living in the dormitory then one can share
/borrow notes, books with other friends. If one is not able to understand any topic then one can easily ask (someone) to explain that topic. Even friends can have group discussions about different topics which are about to come in THEIR examS and this thing will help them in saving time.

So I would like to conclude that it’s better to live in university housing rather than to live in AN apartment in the community. Living in the hostel dormitory makes you more independent, responsible and one makes new friends. One gets the real taste of life.
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Quite good Ketan. You made some valid points, but the "one" became rather boring.

Kitos. 8/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Ketan8]

Thanks Kitos....can you please tell me what can used instead of two many "ones"???

[Kitosdad]

"can you please tell me what can used instead of two many "ones"???"

Three many ones? :-)) I, myself, me, you.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Ketan8]

Thank you very much Kitos:-)