to purchase either a house or a business

[Marmoda]

Hi. How are you sir?
could you correct me this essay please?

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reason to explain your choice.

I already have a job and I earn enough to satisfy myself and my family. So I don’t need to purchase a business. However, what I really need is a house. In my opinion buying a house provide more stability to the family, help to economize the rent money and also help to avoid problems with renters.

Buying a house provides stability and brings feeling of safety. In fact I don’t have to change the house every time because the rent is very expensive or because there is some defects. So I will feel happy and stable with my own house.

With my own house I don’t need any more to pay rent money. So this can help me to economize more money. With which I can, for sure, improve my life style.

People often have problems with renters especially about rent money, so I do. Buying a house will help me to avoid this problem and every end of month I will be happy because no one will knock on the door asking for rent money.

If I have enough money to purchase either a house or a business I would choose to buy a house. Because I’m always dreaming about owning a home so that I will deal with a lot of my problems and I will live peacefully and happily.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student need money?

[Kitosdad]

Hi. How are you sir?
could you correct me this essay please?

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reason to explain your choice.

I already have a job and I earn enough to satisfy myself and my family(,) so I don’t need to purchase a business. However, what I really need is a house. In my opinion buying a house provideS more stability FOR the family, helpS to economize the rent money and also helpS to avoid problems with renters.

Buying a house provides stability and brings feeling of safety. In fact I don’t have to change the house every time because the rent is TOO expensive(,) or because there is some defects(,) so I will feel happy and stable with my own house.

With my own house I don’t need any more to pay rent money any more(,) so this can help me to /economize/SAVE/ more money(,) with which I can, for sure, improve my life style.

People often have problems with renters especially about rent money, so I do. Buying a house will help me to avoid this problem(.) AT THE END OF every month I will be happy because no one will knock on the door asking for rent money.

If I have enough money to purchase either a house or a business I would choose to buy a house(,) because I’m always dreaming about owning a home so that I will PERSONALLY deal with a lot of my problems and I will live peacefully and happily.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Nice work Marmoda.

Kitos. 8.5/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Marmoda]

Thank you very much kitosdad.