SAT® essay practice, can you please evaluate this essay?

[Timbruce54]

Would any kind person be willing to evaluate this SAT essay (Writing Skills section)? I'm curious about what score you think it might get, but I'm mostly looking for potential improvements that could lead to a better score. Thank you.

Here is the prompt (the important parts, anyway):

"In her novel _Sense and Sensibility_, Jane Austen wrote, 'It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.' ... the point that Miss Dashwood makes is valid. No amount of time spent in another person's company can guarantee that the two of you will become friends.

What are your thoughts on the idea that neither time nor opportunity can determine intimacy? What causes two people to become friends? Compose an essay in which you express your views on this topic. Your essay may support, refute, or qualify the views expressed in the excerpt..."

And here is the essay:

There are many things that can determine friendship. Many people when they meet are instantly great for each others when others might need time for a good friendship. I disagree with Jane Austin when she says "it is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy." because many people meet at an event when otherwise they might not have.
The first main point that helps in friendships is the amount of time the people know each other. My one friend I know has been my friend since I was six years old when some of my others it has taken more time. Many peoples relationships get better as they have more time to learn about their friend as well as themself. Therfore time does play a factor in how people become friends.
The Second main point to a good friendship is opportunity. As an example, if you were going to a camp and met some new kids their you probably would not see them anywhere else since you don't live near them. The saying "being in the Right Place at the right time" is applied to friendship when you meet someone in an activity might not have met before. Consequently when Jane Austin says that no opportunity determines intimacy she would be incorrect from my point of view.
Friendships can be made with time and opportunity. Friendships are also contributed by other characteristics such as likes and dislikes and many different things. Time and opportunity do play an important role in friendship, therefor Jane Austin, I my opinion, would be incorrect by saying that "It is not time or opportunity that determines intamacy."

[Sean_Vn]

Many people when they first meet are instantly compatible, while for others it may take some time.

For many people relationships get better....

.. therefore in my opinion it would be incorrect to say that "It is not time or opportunity that determines intamacy."

[Timbruce54]

Thank you for taking the time to reply!

[Estherbunga]

MANY DO BELIEVE DATE AT FIRST SIGHT; MANY AT A DINNER AND SO ON