| Get out of my range? | I'd probably have heartburn for a week after downing that monster |
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 #1 (permalink) Tue Oct 26, 2010 12:25 pm Another scene |
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Hi Teachers,
| Quote: |
Scene 3 – Meeting with the driver for a long distance travel
Saito: My name is Saito. Glad to meet you.
John: My name is John. Glad to meet you too.
Saito: I’d like to check with you on today’s schedule. We’ll first stop by at Heidelberg and do sightseeing with our tour guide for two hours. Then we’ll go through Castle Road to Rothenburg. After promenading there for an hour or so, we’ll go through the Romantic Road down to Munich.
John: Wait a moment, please. According to our company’s itinerary, there is no promenading in Rothenburg. Please take a look.
Saito: But it is written in the pamphlet for applications for the tour in Japan, and so have we informed our group members. I can’t afford it if we don’t do something about it.
John: I see. But if we stop at Rothenburg, we’ll run behind schedule to Munich. Anyway, let me discuss this with my company.
(Calls the bus company)
John: All right. Let’s do it, but please be aware that we’ll arrive in Munich at about 19:00.
Saito: Okay. And we also have many elderly passengers this time, so we’ll appreciate it if you can make a toilet stop every one and a half hours or so.
John: All right. Heidelberg’s about an hour’s drive from here. Let’s take our first toilet break there. Then we can stop at a drive-in about an hour and a half later.
Saito: That’ll be fine, thank you. And also, while driving through Castle Road, we can see various famous castles there, I suppose. It’d be vary helpful if you could tell us the names of the castles then.
John: No problem. I’ll do it when they come into sight. |
1. Is "walking around" better?
2. Is "members too" better?
3. Is "my boss" better?
4. Is "Munich late" better?
Many thanks! |
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 Philin
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 267
Location: Pine Trees
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| #2 (permalink) Tue Oct 26, 2010 13:17 pm Another scene |
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1. Is "walking around" better?-- Yes, and even better: 'exploring'.
2. Is "members too" better?-- No.
3. Is "my boss" better?-- No.
4. Is "Munich late" better?-- Yes.
By the way, I hope you are aware that your dialogues have many more problems than just those you ask about.
_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's |
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Mister Micawber
Language Coach
Joined: 17 Jul 2005
Posts: 13014
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| #3 (permalink) Tue Oct 26, 2010 13:23 pm Another scene |
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| Philin wrote: |
Hi Teachers,
Many thanks! |
Scene 3 – Meeting with the driver for a long distance travel
Saito: My name is Saito. Glad to meet you.
John: My name is John. Glad to meet you too.
Saito: I’d like to check with you on today’s schedule with you. We’ll first stop by at Heidelberg and do some sightseeing with our tour guide for two hours. Then we’ll go through along / down Castle Road to Rothenburg. After strolling around there for an hour or so, we’ll go through along the Romantic Road down to Munich.
John: Wait a moment, please. According to our company’s itinerary, there is no promenading alighting in Rothenburg. Please take a look.
Saito: But it is written in the pamphlet for applications for the tour in Japan, and so have we we have informed our group members. I can’t afford it will have problems if we don’t do something about it.
John: I see. But if we stop at Rothenburg, we’ll run behind schedule to Munich. Anyway, let me discuss this with my boss.
(Calls the bus company)
John: All right. Let’s do it, but please be aware that we’ll arrive in Munich at won't arrive in Munich until about 19:00.
Saito: Okay. And we also have many elderly passengers this time, so we’ll 'd appreciate it if you can could make a toilet stop every one and a half hours or so.
John: All right. Heidelberg’s about an hour’s drive from here. Let’s take our first toilet break there. Then we can stop at a drive-in* about an hour and a half later.
Saito: That’ll be fine, thank you. And also, while driving through along Castle Road, I believe we can will be able to see various famous castles there, I suppose. It’d be vary very helpful if you could tell us the names of those castles at that time.
John: No problem. I’ll do it when they come into sight.
1. Is "walking around" better?
Yes. 'Promenading' sounds very old fashioned and somewhat formal. In the second instance I suggest 'alighting' (getting off the bus).
2. Is "members too" better?
'Too' is not needed with 'and so', but it would not be incorrect if you wished to add it.
3. Is "my boss" better?
not really. You can use it though.
4. Is "Munich late" better?
That won't read well there without making other changes. If you wish to emphasise the fact that the arrival in Munich will be later than originally planned, see my suggestion in the dialogue.
drive-in* What sort of drive-in? Would 'service station' be better?
_________________
Cheers m' dears! |
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Beeesneees
Language Coach
Joined: 08 Apr 2010
Posts: 20449
Location: UK, born and bred
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| #4 (permalink) Tue Oct 26, 2010 13:39 pm Another scene |
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| Thank you very much Beeesneees and Mr. Micawber for your precious help. And I have found I wrote nothing after "Hi Teachers," which really made the "another scene" a "bad scene". I appologize for the imprudence. Like always everything is now very clear to me. Many thanks again. |
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Philin
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 267
Location: Pine Trees
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| #5 (permalink) Mon Nov 15, 2010 21:20 pm Another scene |
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Hi Beeesneees,
Could you please check this one for me?
| Quote: |
Scene 3 A meeting with the driver for long distance travel
Saito: My name is Saito. Glad to meet you.
John: My name is John. Glad to meet you too.
Saito: I’d like to check today’s schedule with you. We’ll first stop at Heidelberg and do some sightseeing with our tour guide for two hours. Then we’ll go along Castle Road to Rothenburg. After strolling around there for an hour or so, we’ll go along Romantic Road down to Munich.
John: Wait a moment, please. According to our company’s itinerary, there is no alighting in Rothenburg. Please take a look.
Saito: But it is written in the pamphlet for applications for the tour in Japan, and so we have informed our group members. I will have problems if we don’t do something about it.
John: I see. But if we stop at Rothenburg, we’ll run behind schedule to Munich. Anyway, let me discuss this with my boss.
(Calls the bus company)
John: All right. Let’s do it, but please be aware that we won’t arrive in Munich until about 19:00.
Saito: Okay. We also have many elderly passengers this time, so we’d appreciate it if you could make a toilet stop every one and a half hours or so.
John: All right. Heidelberg’s about an hour’s drive from here. Let’s take our first toilet break there. Then we can stop at a service station about an hour and a half later.
Saito: That’ll be fine, thank you. And also, while driving along Castle Road, I believe we will be able to see various famous castles. It’d be very helpful if you could tell us the names of those castles at that time.
John: No problem. I’ll do it when they come into sight. |
Many thanks! |
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Philin
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 267
Location: Pine Trees
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| #6 (permalink) Tue Nov 16, 2010 1:14 am Another scene |
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That's fine.
_________________
Cheers m' dears! |
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Beeesneees
Language Coach
Joined: 08 Apr 2010
Posts: 20449
Location: UK, born and bred
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| #7 (permalink) Tue Nov 16, 2010 1:17 am Another scene |
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| Thank you very much Beeesneees. |
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Philin
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 267
Location: Pine Trees
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| Get out of my range? | I'd probably have heartburn for a week after downing that monster |
