People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like

[Sincere]

Hello Kitos. Hope you are well. Thank you for correcting my essay.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do.

Some people claim that with the roaring development of modern technology and society as a whole, people today spend too much time on personal enjoyment, doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. There is an ongoing debate as to whether this claim points out the actual truth and whether it is unarguable. From my point of view, it is not that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment, but that they are just gradually forming a new life style in response to the development of society, which can not be simply defined as doing things they should not do.

First, admittedly, people do spend more time on enjoyment. However, this is inarguable and justified. With the quicked pace of modern life, people in general are facing more pressure and anxieties. As a result, it is quite a righteous and defendable thing for people to seek more enjoyment and pleasure as a way of relief from those anxieties. In fact, personal enjoyment is an indispensable part in modern life without wich people simply cannot get along in such a demanding modern society today.

Second, there is not a clear distinction between what people should and should not be doing. Besides, there is not a generally agreed definition of what people should or should not do either. So that claim that some people have put forward is apparently lacking enough footing and support.

Third, although people in essence need and seem to spend more time on personal enjoyment, this does not contradict with what they should be doing from a general perspective. Spending more time on personal enjoyment does not crowd out of their time at work. Nor does it have a negative effect in shaping people's essential values and outlook in life. People are still as generous, honest, ready to help, and sincere as they have been. Thus, they still bear in mind their former conception of what they should or should not do.

Taking into account all those aspects, we can safely draw the conclusion that although people do spende more time on personal enjoyment, they are doing a justifiable and righteous thing and it does not contradict with other aspects in their life.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university students who met on campus

[Kitosdad]

Hello Kitos. Hope you are well. Thank you for correcting my essay.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do.

Some people claim that with the roaring development of modern technology and society as a whole, people today spend too much time on personal enjoyment, doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do. There is an ongoing debate as to whether this claim points out the actual truth, and whether it is unarguable. From my point of view, it is not that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment, but that they are just gradually forming a new life style in response to the development of society, which (cannot) be simply defined as doing things they should not do.

First, admittedly, people do spend more time on enjoyment. However, this is inarguable and justified. With the quickening pace of modern life, people in general are facing more pressure and anxieties. As a result, it is quite a righteous and defendable thing for people to seek more enjoyment and pleasure as a way of relief from those anxieties. In fact, personal enjoyment is an indispensable part of modern life, without which people simply cannot get along in such a demanding modern society today.

Second, there is not a clear distinction between what people should and should not be doing. Besides, there is not a generally agreed definition of what people should or should not do either. So that claim that some people have put forward is apparently lacking enough data and support.

Third, although people in essence need and seem to spend more time on personal enjoyment, this does not contradict with what they should be doing from a general perspective. Spending more time on personal enjoyment does not affect their time at work. Nor does it have a negative effect in shaping people's essential values and outlook in life. People are still as generous, honest, ready to help, and sincere as they have been. Thus, they still bear in mind their former conception of what they should or should not do.

Taking into account all those aspects, we can safely draw the conclusion that although people do spend more time on personal enjoyment, they are still doing a justifiable and righteous thing, and it does not contradict with other aspects in their life.
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An exceptionally well written essay Sincere. Surely a 10 is just around the next bend.

Kitos. 9/10
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