 #2 (permalink) Thu Mar 02, 2006 11:12 am Essay review |
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Hi Iguana,
I have added some suggestions in capital letters:
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There are two opinions in the air (USUALLY THIS IS USED LITERALLY) (IF YOU WANT TO KEEP THE IDEA OF AIR I WOULD SAY CURRENTLY BEING AIRED regarding the place where it would be better to raise children - some believe that it is better to do it (THIS) in the countryside whereas others say that a big city would be a perfect place for that.
As for me, I would say that it would be better to raise a child in a big city rather than in the ****ryside as the city has more to offer for the development of a child (PERHAPS: A CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT). For instance, those could be different outdoor activities, such as playing theatre (FOR THIS YOU WOULD SAY: ACTING IN A DRAMA GROUP)or singing in some kind of a group, which would make a child more creative and his or her (IT ALWAYS SOUNDS BETTER TO USE THEIR ALTHOUGH THE SUBJECT IS SINGULAR) imagination would be stiired (STIRRED/FIRED) as a result of this.
Another advantage of raising a child in a big city would be that there are more chances of interacting with other children and unknown people (STRANGERS). This makes children more easygoing and communicative. In addition to this, aLL? children will also learn that such a thing as competition exists in life, which will make them more competitive.
To summarize I would like to say that raising children in a city will make them both more creative and competitive.
iguana |
This is a good piece of writing and shows a good use of vocabulary. Just note - the past tense of stir is stirred.
Alan
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English as a Second Language
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Alan
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Joined: 27 Sep 2003
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Location: UK
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