Media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people

[Yecochi]

Mr. Kitos,
Please help me refine this essay. Thanks!

Topic:
Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities.

While today’s media seems have a lot of interests in personal lives of celebrities, we may need to clarify the real causes of it. What are the reasons contributing the appearance that there is lots of such kind of news? In my opinion, there are other factors, such as audiences' expectation and famous people's hopes/ willing, rather than intention of those media.

People are curious about the famous people's personal life. Gossip news appears attract people’s attention. Therefore, some editors produce news about celebrities’ personal lives to pursue their profit.

Some famous people utilize the media to popularize themselves. Medias play an important role in people’s life. Most people are exposed to all kinds of media, which makes the media a powerful tool to popularize. Some celebrities enjoy using it to promote the popularity of themselves and their products.

Although lots of gossip news exists, people still benefit from media providing useful information. There are many media lending meaningful information rather than those gossips, such Time magazine. Taking myself for example, I learn a lot from it. It teaches me the reason of many events and authentic English usage.

Many factors lead to a false perception that media pay too much attention to celebrities' personal lives. Gossip news exists because of audiences' desire to understand them and famous people's intention. Besides this news, there are still a lot of other media concerned with meaningful subjects. Media reporting celebrities’ personal lives is not for its own sake.
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there are other factors, such as audiences' expectation and famous people's hopes/ willing, rather than intention of those media.

which one would be better, hopes or willing?

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a bookstore sales clerk and a student

[Kitosdad]

Mr. Kitos,
Please help me refine this essay. Thanks!

Topic:
Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities.

While today’s media seems have a lot of interest in the personal lives of celebrities, we may need to clarify the real causes of it. What are the reasons contributing to the appearance of such kinds of news? In my opinion, there are other factors, such as audiences' expectation and famous people's hopes/willingness, rather than intention of those media.

People are curious about the famous people's personal lives. Gossip news appears to attract people’s attention. Therefore, some editors produce news about celebrities’ personal lives to pursue their profit.

Some famous people utilize the media to popularize themselves. Media plays an important role in people’s lives. Most people are exposed to all kinds of media, which makes the media a powerful tool to popularize. Some celebrities enjoy using it to promote the popularity of themselves and their products.

Although lots of gossip news exists, people still benefit from media providing useful information. There are many media lending meaningful information, rather than those gossips, such as "Time" magazine. Taking myself for example, I learn a lot from it. It teaches me the reason of many events and authentic English usage.

Many factors lead to a false perception that media pays too much attention to celebrities' personal lives. Gossip news exists because of the readers desire to understand famous people's intentions. Besides this news, there are still a lot of other media concerned with meaningful subjects. Media reporting celebrities’ personal lives is not for its own sake.
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Pretty good Yecochi.

Kitos. 8/10

Willingness.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Yecochi]

Thanks, Mr. Kitos!

Topic:
Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities.

While today’s media seems have a lot of interests in personal lives of celebrities, we may need to clarify the real causes of it. What are the reasons contributing the appearance that there is lots of such kind of news? In my opinion, there are other factors, such as audiences' expectation and famous people's willing WILLINGNESS rather than intention of those media.

People are curious about the famous people's personal life. Gossip news appears TO
attract people’s attention. Therefore, some editors produce news about celebrities’ personal lives to pursue their profit.

Some famous people utilize the media to popularize themselves. THE Medias playS an important role in people’s life lives. Most people are exposed to all kinds of media, which makes the media a powerful tool to popularize. Some celebrities enjoy using it to promote the popularity of themselves and their products.

Although lots of gossip news exists, people still benefit from media providing useful information. There are many media lending meaningful information rather than those gossips, such "Time" magazine. Taking myself for example, I learn a lot from it. It teaches me the reason of many events and authentic English usage.

Many factors lead to a false perception that media payS too much attention to celebrities' personal lives. Gossip news exists because of READERS'audiences'
desire to understand them and famous people's intentionS. Besides this news, there are still a lot of other media concerned with meaningful subjects. THE Media reporting celebrities’ personal lives is not for its own sake.
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Gossip news exists because of READERS'audiences' desire to understand them and famous people's intentionS.
"them" refers to celebrities's personal lives
Is it appropriate for me to wirte like that?