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Toefl essay: If you could change one important thing about...



 
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Toefl essay: If you could change one important thing about... Mon Mar 06, 2006 19:46 pm  Toefl essay: If you could change one important thing about...
 

toefl essay: If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

My hometown is famous for its polluted air, which is nothing surprising as the streets of it are full of numerous means of public transport. I would decrease the number of transport in the hub of the city. To do this, I would introduce some significant changes.

Firstly, cars would not be allowed at the very heart of the city. I would like to follow the example of Britain, where the number of cars at the certain regions of London is decreased to the minimum.

Secondly, the number of the means of public transport would be increased, especially, trams. Trams would be used instead cars and buses as they pollute air using fuel. Trams are the best alternative for any means of transport as they use electricity instead of fuel.

Finally, trams would go on a tight schedule to avoid crowds in them. I imagine that regular and tight schedules would reduce air pollution in the city to a great extent.
translatinga
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 04 Feb 2006
Posts: 24

Toefl essay: If you could change one important thing about... Tue Mar 07, 2006 11:49 am  Toefl essay: If you could change one important thing about...
 

Hi translatinga,

I have made some changes in capital letters:

Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 5:46 pm Post subject: rate this one, plz

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

My hometown is famous for its polluted air, which is nothing (NOT) surprising as the streets of it (ITS STREETS) are full of numerous means of public transport. I would decrease the number (AMMOUNT) of transport in the hub of the city. (IN THE CITY CENTRE)
To do this, I would introduce some significant changes.

Firstly, cars would not be allowed at (IN) the very heart of the city. I would like to follow the example of Britain, where the number of cars at the (IN CERTAIN) certain regions of London is decreased to the minimum.

Secondly, the number of the means (NUMBER OF TYPES OF)of public transport would be increased, especially, trams. Trams would be used instead (OF) cars and buses as they pollute air using fuel. Trams are the best alternative for any means of transport as they use electricity instead of fuel.

Finally, trams would go (OPERATE) on a tight schedule to avoid crowds in them (CROWDING). I imagine that regular and tight schedules would reduce air pollution in the city to a great extent.


Quite good but try to write more simply. Avoid this kind of construction - the streets of it

Alan
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