Has the ease of cooking improved life?

[Sonla]

Hi, Kitos. This is my new essay. Do you mind correcting it for me ? Thanks in advance

When restaurants and fast food shops have been mushrooming, debates have sprung up among people worldwide as to whether the ease of cooking and the births of some kinds of snack such as hotdogs, hamburgers or chips have improved our life or not. In my point of view, I take the notion that humans are benefiting a lot thanks to innovations in food industry and expanding a series of fast food restaurants. Several persuasive reasons go as follow will strengthen my opinion.

First and foremost, snacks give a hand to help us to have extra time for building our career. As we know, with the rapid pace of the modern life, we are suffering plenty of pressures from work and daily relationships. A deadline of a project, sales turnover and solving contradictions in the company become our reluctant passengers. Unfortunately, these friends sometimes dance in our mind so enthusiastically that we don’t have energy to do other job; even cooking a simple dinner for our family seems to be an overloaded task to us. Experiencing these situations, we just realize how snacks important are! They provide necessary nutrients, minerals and vitamins for human body; help us to have enough energy and more time to finish races in our work.

Secondly, having main meals in fast foot restaurants is more economic for single person as me. I must confess that I used to buy pans, cooks, bowls and other cooking tools to arrange/prepare meals for my lives after I graduated from my university and began to embark on my career as an account for a Japanese company. I went to market and spent some minutes haggling before buying a bundle of vegetable or a kilo of beef. However, a turn came to me and finished days I wasted my time and money on washing fruits or calling gas vendors for my ovens. When my company stepped forward to the last months of 2009, I almost lost sight of the world outside and run back and forth between departments in the company as a shuttle. I did not have time to have lunch or dinner at home and forced myself to eat hotdogs at my working desk. However, in the unexpected situation, I detected that the expense for eating these meals is cheaper than the amount of money I had formerly spent for food. It is due to when I bought some materials to cook, I usually met a problem in determining how much food that I could eat in the day. As a result, the left food was waste which cost me a significant expense. Now, I am contenting with calling Kentucky in every 12am and 6pm, and comfortably enjoying these main meals. Perhaps, my hobby will change when I get married; however, it is really ok for me now. Even I thought that after becoming a married man, I will also spend nights in weekend with my future wife in restaurants.

In summary, food is a present from the God and people have some ways to enjoy this present. Some people like to buy cook materials and bring them to home to steam, fry or create new meals. Other people including me want to sip a cup of beer while enjoy crisp Kentucky chicken and say thanks to the ease of cooking for advantages brought by it.
TOEFL listening lectures: A university arts lecture on Greek drama

[Kitosdad]

Hi, Kitos. This is my new essay. Do you mind correcting it for me ? Thanks in advance

When restaurants and fast food shops have been mushrooming, debates have sprung up among people worldwide as to whether the ease of cooking and the births of some kinds of snack such as hotdogs, hamburgers or chips have improved our life or not. In my point of view, I take the notion that humans are benefiting a lot thanks to innovations in food industry and expanding a series of fast food restaurants. Several persuasive reasons go as follow will strengthen my opinion.

First and foremost, snacks give a hand to help us to have extra time for building our career. As we know, with the rapid pace of the modern life, we are suffering plenty of pressures from work and daily relationships. A deadline of a project, sales turnover and solving contradictions in the company become our reluctant passengers. Unfortunately, these friends sometimes dance in our mind so enthusiastically that we don’t have energy to do other job; even cooking a simple dinner for our family seems to be an overloaded task to us. Experiencing these situations, we just realize how snacks important are! They provide necessary nutrients, minerals and vitamins for human body; help us to have enough energy and more time to finish races in our work.

Secondly, having main meals in fast foot restaurants is more economic for single person as me. I must confess that I used to buy pans, cooks, bowls and other cooking tools to arrange/prepare meals for my lives after I graduated from my university and began to embark on my career as an account for a Japanese company. I went to market and spent some minutes haggling before buying a bundle of vegetable or a kilo of beef. However, a turn came to me and finished days I wasted my time and money on washing fruits or calling gas vendors for my ovens. When my company stepped forward to the last months of 2009, I almost lost sight of the world outside and run back and forth between departments in the company as a shuttle. I did not have time to have lunch or dinner at home and forced myself to eat hotdogs at my working desk. However, in the unexpected situation, I detected that the expense for eating these meals is cheaper than the amount of money I had formerly spent for food. It is due to when I bought some materials to cook, I usually met a problem in determining how much food that I could eat in the day. As a result, the left food was waste which cost me a significant expense. Now, I am contenting with calling Kentucky in every 12am and 6pm, and comfortably enjoying these main meals. Perhaps, my hobby will change when I get married; however, it is really ok for me now. Even I thought that after becoming a married man, I will also spend nights in weekend with my future wife in restaurants.

In summary, food is a present from the God and people have some ways to enjoy this present. Some people like to buy cook materials and bring them to home to steam, fry or create new meals. Other people including me want to sip a cup of beer while enjoy crisp Kentucky chicken and say thanks to the ease of cooking for advantages brought by it.
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This work is nowhere near good enough for a TOEFL exam Sonia. Although you have some command of the language, you have nowhere near enough to write a good essay.
You ought to be spending your time reading more, rather than doing whatever it is you are doing in your spare time. This standard of work will get you nowhere.

Kitos. 7/10
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Sonla]

I thought that I can guess how many points I can earn for each essay and wait for your correction. And I have predicted rightly most of them. Do you know what score I am waiting for this work? I hoped that I will receive the point of at least 8.5. This is first time I have noted to use humorous words and the hilarious comparison in my writing to make it to be more interesting. And this is also the first time I have received a bad score from you (under 8). I spent nearly 2 hours to write it. Do you think it is better for me to come back the old writing style: serious and academic? I think that the old way is more suitable for me because it take me less time to write and, I can receive better results. Anyway, what are weaknesses in this essay? Can you clarify it for me. Thank you so much!

[Kitosdad]