Children should not be allowed to play them computer games .

[Channelee]

Good morning, Kitos. Thanks so much for revise my essay and the advice.
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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.

These days, computers have become to a commonplace like TV, cell phone in our lives. And computers proved their value as a tool of multi-media as well. Meanwhile, they also bring themselves lots of hot controversies. One of them is whether children ought to be permitted to play computer games concerning the time consuming. In my opinion, children should not be forbidden to play some computer games.

One reason is that computer games can boost brain’s development. Avoiding be beat down in a game, players have to concentrate their all attention on it. A little distraction will lead them to lose the game. Moreover, in the game, the brain is compelled to run fast, eyes and hands need to cooperate with brain harmoniously. Hence, not only the flexibility of the fingers is exercised, but also the brain and the reaction are trained during playing.

Moreover, players are about to realize how important the teamwork is in the game. For the most part, people are required to collaborate together as a team in order to beat down their opponents. It’s hard for one single player to deal with the strong rivals. Therefore, people are capable of realizing the limit of a single person’s ability, and the advantages of teamwork.

Another reason is that people can learn how to treat success and failure in the games. It is not easy to learn how to remain a peace and calm heart in front of success or failure. There is neither permanent winner nor loser. And recent scientific researches found that Emotional Quotient plays an essential role in success of our lives and career. Through success and failure in a virtual world, people are able to learn how to manage their emotion, and know how to face the one from the realistic lives.

To conclude, children can surely allow playing some game as long as parents can control the playing time and game types.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor explain the history of coffee?

[Kitosdad]

[Channelee]

Hi, Kitos, I already revised the sentense, which you point out. Please keep review the rest part of my essay.
Thank so much for your generous help.
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These days, computers have become prevalent in our lives like TV, cell phone . And computers proved their value as a tool of multi-media as well. Meanwhile, they also bring themselves lots of hot controversies. One of them is whether children ought to be permitted to play computer games concerning the time consuming. In my opinion, children should not be forbidden to play some computer games.

One reason is that computer games can boost brain’s development. Avoiding be beat down in a game, players have to concentrate their all attention on it. A little distraction will lead them to lose the game. Moreover, in the game, the brain is compelled to run fast, eyes and hands need to cooperate with brain harmoniously. Hence, not only the flexibility of the fingers is exercised, but also the brain and the reaction are trained during playing.

Moreover, players are about to realize how important the teamwork is in the game. For the most part, people are required to collaborate together as a team in order to beat down their opponents. It’s hard for one single player to deal with the strong rivals. Therefore, people are capable of realizing the limit of a single person’s ability, and the advantages of teamwork.

Another reason is that people can learn how to treat success and failure in the games. It is not easy to learn how to remain a peace and calm heart in front of success or failure. There is neither permanent winner nor loser. And recent scientific researches found that Emotional Quotient plays an essential role in success of our lives and career. Through success and failure in a virtual world, people are able to learn how to manage their emotion, and know how to face the one from the realistic lives.

To conclude, children can surely allow playing some game as long as parents can control the playing time and game types.

[Kitosdad]

These days, computers have become AS prevalent in our lives AS TV, cell phoneS ETC,. And Computers HAVE proved their value as a tool of multi-media as well.. Meanwhile, they also bring themselves lots of hot controversies. One of them is whether children ought to be permitted to play computer games concerning the WHEN THEY ARE SO time consuming. In my opinion, children should not be forbidden to play some computer games.

One reason is that computer games can boost ONES brain development. TO avoid beING beatEN down in a game, players have to concentrate ALL OF their all attention on it. A little THE SLIGHTEST distraction will lead them to lose the game. Moreover, in the game, the brain is compelled to run fastER, eyes and hands need to cooperate COORDINATE with THE brain harmoniously. Hence, not only the flexibility of the fingers is exercised, but also the brain and the reactionS are trained during playing.

Moreover, players are about to realize how important the teamwork is in the game. For the most part, people are required to collaborate together as a team in order to beat down their opponents. It’s hard for one single player to deal with theIR strong rivals. Therefore, people are capable of COME TO realizE the limitATION of a single person’s ability, and the advantages of teamwork.

Another reason is that people can learn how to treat REACT TO success and failure in the games. It is not easy to learn how to remain RETAIN a peaceFUL and calm heart in front THE FACE of success or failure. There is neither A permanent winner nor loser. And Recent scientific researches found that Emotional Quotient plays an essential role in THE success of our lives and career. Through success and failure in a virtual world, people are able to learn how to manage their emotionS, and know how to face the one from the realistic livesREALITY IN THEIR LIVES.

To conclude, children can surely BE allowED TO play some gameS, as long as parents can control the playing time and game types.
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A nice essay Channelee, but you are capable of much better work. Concentrate, and show me some imagination.

Kitos. 7.5/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.