How would you use this land?

[B Wilson]

Please correct my essay, Mr. Kitosdad.
Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land? Use specific details to explain your answer.

A society’s resources are always limited. So we have to make choices about what we use lands to do effectively. Not everyone can stand a factory nearby their home, even which means it can solve some unemployment problems. Not everyone can allow entertainment facilities around their children, even which means it can provide places for people to relax. From my perspective, college or university could be a rational option. This is because a minor improvement in education quality could have a big effect on whole community by providing job opportunities, releasing people’s stress and also increasing culture value.

First of all, it is easy to find reasons to built college or university. One point is that education market will bring a mount of job opportunities and attract students to consume in native location. As a result, unemployment problems could be effectively solved; meanwhile, it would directly stimulate local economy because students should consume in other areas such as transportation. So for example, if one student used the cheapest transportation tool bus twice each week and the cost was one dollar per time, what about the total cost of thousands students and years time.

Compared with recreational facilities only give people entertainment, differently, campus provides more healthy ways for people to relax and refresh themselves, which are ubiquitous to high quality of live. To verify this point, students serve as a good example: they often face the stress from academic tasks; however they also enjoy their school life like to celebrate with each other for winning a basketball match. Who will not release their pressure when see their smiles with positive attitudes？ Obviously, campus will generally influence the mood of adults and the development and education of children as well.

Last but not least, to built college or university could increase the culture level of this area. It can make the community out of ordinary living place. That Cambridge University is widely acknowledged as its history and education level makes Cambridge famous to the world, for example. Thus, a good university is also a nice brand, elevating the culture value of this place, eventually to create a culture atmosphere which is one of the most elements to attract tourists.

Overall, I solidly believe that to use the land to build a university or college will be a wisdom choice. Among various reasons that contribute to economic factors, lifestyle improving and culture value could be increased. As the saying goes“good value for the money.” Undoubtedly, education investment can achieve this point.
Thanks again.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of History (2)

[Kitosdad]

Please correct my essay, Mr. Kitosdad.
Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land? Use specific details to explain your answer.

A society’s resources are always limited, so we have to make choices about HOW we SHOULD use land to do effectively. Not everyone can stand a factory nearby their home, even which IF IT means it can solve some unemployment problems. Not everyone can allow entertainment facilities around their children, even which WHEN IT means it can provide places for people to relax. From my perspective, college or university could be a rational option. This is because a minor improvement in education quality could have a big effect on THE whole community by providing job opportunities, releasing people’s stress and also increasing culturAL valueS.

First of all, it is easy to find reasons to BUILD A college or university. One point is that THE education market will bring aN Amount of job opportunities and attract students to consume TAKE THEIR MEALS in native locationS. As a result, unemployment problems could be effectively solved; meanwhile, it would directly stimulate local economy because students WOULD PROBABLY USE THE LOCAL BUS SERVICE NETTING THE COUNCIL THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS EACH YEAR.should consume in other areas such as transportation. So for example, if one student used the cheapest transportation tool bus twice each week and the cost was one dollar per time, what about the total cost of thousands students and years time.

Compared with recreational facilities WHICH only give people entertainment, differently, campus provides more healthy ways for people to relax and refresh themselves, which are ubiquitous to high quality of liveLIFE. To verify this point, students serve as a good example: they often face the stress from academic tasks; however they also enjoy their school life like to LIKE celebrateING TOGETHER with each other for AFTER winning a basketball match. Who will not release their pressure when see their smiles with positive attitudes？ Obviously, campus will generally influence the mood of adults and the development and education of children as well.

Last but not least, to builD A college or university could increase the culturAL level of this area. It can make A THRIVING community out of AN ordinary living place. That Cambridge University is widely acknowledged as its history and education level makes Cambridge famous to the world, for example. Thus, a good university is also a nice brand, elevating the culturAL value of this place, eventually to creatING a culturAL atmosphere which is one of the most DECISIVE elements IN attractING tourists.

Overall, I solidly REALLY believe that to use the land to build a university or college will be a wisE choice. Among various reasons IS that IT WOULD contribute to OUR economic SITUATION, IMPROVE THE LIFESTYLE AND CULTURAL VALUES OF THE INHABITANTS. As the saying goes“good value for the money.” Undoubtedly, educationAL investment can achieve this point.
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Too much waffle,and not enough meat! Try to reduce your work by half. Be concise and stop thinking you are making a point, because you are not. You need to do a lot of reading to improve your sentence structure and content.

Kitos. 6.5/10
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[B Wilson]

Too much waffle,and not enough meat! Try to reduce your work by half. Be concise and stop thinking you are making a point, because you are not. You need to do a lot of reading to improve your sentence structure and content.

I will. Thank you.