Renovation of old buiding in large cities

[Huongcx]

Governments spend an enormous amount of money on renovations of old buildings in large cities. Some believe that this money is better be spent on building new houses and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that in order to develop the countries, goverments should spend more money on building new infrastructures like houses and roads, while others claim that remaining old houses can be of benefits to local people. I am strongly convinced by the latter opinion.
Although opponents argue that old buildings are becoming isolated in morden world, the existance of they is extremely important. By the time entering into one old building like pagoda, you can feel peaceful as all of your stress in works flied away. It is thanks to these building that you have chance to slow down yourself, advoid “hurry sickness”, and balance your life.
Besides, the old houses which were built hundreds year before, also have their own merits on education. They are the survival evidences of the lives of our forefathers and the long history of the country. Thanks to renovating the old houses, we can teach our children to respect the value of traditional culture and history easily.
As far as economical benefits of old buildings are concerned, they bring a lot of jobs and sources of income thay may not have exited before. The secrets or old stories about their ancestors, heroes behind the old buildings appeal a number of adventurous travellers, and hence, local people can make a lot of profits by allowing tourists to see their houses, and selling some souvenirs for them. It also means that younger people are encouraged to stay in the community rather than seeking works in other places. In addition, only by the profits from tourisms can the local people renovate their living places and give their children higher education.
In conclusion, because of their mental, educational and economical values, old houses need to be remained and renovated besides morden skyscrapers and roads in large cities.

Please check it for me. Thank you very much

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor on the possibility of life on Mars

[Kitosdad]

[Huongcx]

Dear Kitos, thank you very much to check my essay. But, I want to ask you some questions.
1. I think the sentence "WHEN ONE ENTERS INTO AN OLD STRUCTURE SAY like A pagoda, you can feel peaceful as all of your stress in works flieS away". is wrong because
there are two different subjects in two clauses. How can I correct it?
2. Can I replace the words " rather than" in last sentence by beside ( not besides)?

Thank you very much again

[Kitosdad]

No you can't. "Rather than" gives continuity to your text.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Saeede]

[Bbk_Agp]

As I always say, I'm a learner just like you. So what I write here doesn't mean they all correct, they are just my personal idea about your writing. I just want to help and get some help from others, we have to help each other through learning of English.
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Historical monuments are always a cause of proud ("cause always used with negitive meanings, so we can say here Historical monuments are always something to be proud of; any body have any other suggestions) and benefits for each city so that countries invest a huge amount of money to renew these old buildings. In contrast, some people believe that government ought to concentrate on developing of new infrastructures for large cities instead. With all the same, I believe that preserve of old buildings is valuable based on followings reasons.

First of all, old buildings, especially with a historical past, can attract people’s attentions largely because we are interested to see our forefather’s state of arts and life styles. Hence we mostly are keen to visit historical and ancient buildings. As a result, maintaining the old remaining structure of our past can develop tourism industry for each (our country, because you've said about OUR PAST) country. Not only the direct income is appealing, but also the side effects (benefits) of such industry are considerable. Government has to improve the infrastructures to attract more guests to city and all these reconstructions can prevent the old buildings to be ruined as time passed.

In light of the facts, deterioration of old buildings, which dominantly are located in downtowns, is a potential hazard for surrounding structures. Considering the strength of buildings in the same perimeter, complete demolish of old buildings is not reasonable; so that the city council has to dedicate part of the incomes for reconstruction of these old buildings as well as preserving the historical parts of the buildings.

The last but not the least, the great architectural knowledge of our forefathers and their path of development, can be discovered by scientists while they study the old building of each territory.

In summary, the investment on rehabilitation of old buildings benefits governments and residents of each country financially and morally.

Some of my recommendations:
1) Write small sentences. Long sentences makes reader some how confused.
2) You have to expand any idea. For example whole of 4th paragraph is just one sentence. It will be more beautiful to expand what you mean, with some more and small sentences.
3) Your conclusion, which is written as "in summery" is too brief. Try make some results from what you've written in the essay. Some brief sentences will be perfect for conclusion

Write more to learn more :D ...

[Saeede]

Thank...I do agree with your comments. I always have this problem- long sentence even in Persian- I try to write more

[Bbk_Agp]