young children should spend most of their time on their school studies or playing

[Gill04]

The parents feel happy to be blessed with the children who are physically fit and have a sharp acumen. Incultating the right values and the spirit of teamwork in kids is something that parents always strive for. This is possible only when kids are made to participate in sports without stressing only on studies. It has multitude rewards.

It is a common saying that a sound mind lives in a sound body. They get physical exercise when they play. So they are fitter when they grow up. A physically fit child has more comprehensive ability than his/her peers. Their performance is enhanced in class with the help of sports. Also, it has been well documented in medical research that exercise has a stimulating effect on the release of growth hormone, a chemical released in body which helps in the growth of an individual.

Kids become stronger and competitive rather than submissive and meek. They face all the situations in life more confidently. They do not hesitate to confront challenges. In contrast, kids who do not play resort to other methods to entertain themselves. They spend most of their time in playing video games on computer or start using internet at an erly age. It affects their studies and health. This has happened to my own cousin who spends most of his time on computer and is doing this since his childhood. His eyesight has weakened over a period of time. He has to wear spectacles for his studies.

Sports contribute to personality development of students which is an important requirement for their professional life and helps them on job front. Sports boost self esteem. Children become extrovert, get exposure to different kinds of people and situations. They realise the importance of hard work in life. Most of the enterpreneurs become successful due to their great communication skills. Kids appreciate team work and thus learn to work collaboratively.

To put it succintly, sports are an important requirement for young children. It depends on parents how well they motivate their children. This motivation will certainly ensure success in all spheres of life.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why are red crosses erected on Tanna Island?

[Beeesneees]

A strong, well-opresented argument, Gill. Nicely written.

I don't have the time to go into detail but here are a couple of general points to consider:

Don't refer to 'children' as 'kids' in formal situations

In paragraph 2 who does the first 'they' refer to? If you use pronouns ensure they are close to the nouns they represent. .
_________________
Cheers m' dears!

[Gill04]

Thanks a ton, Beeesneees.

I got your point.

In paragraph 2, I should have used the noun 'young children'.

[Beeesneees]

yes. Also in all the other places that you have now edited.
_________________
Cheers m' dears!