 #2 (permalink) Wed Jan 19, 2011 14:19 pm Re: effects/Discussion:increase in internet shopping and effects on environment |
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| Saeede wrote: |
Hi,
here please see the essay subjected Internet shopping has increased recently. How does it make an impact on the environment? What new types of job should be created? I will be glad to hear your comments and thanking you in advance.
Needless to say that developing in a technology always has negative and positive impacts on people lifestyle. I intend to argue the effects of online shopping on environment as well as the variety of job opportunity creation.
In one hand, people use their computer terminal instead of commuting in cities to provide their required goods. In the other hand, the goods delivery companies can grow up and submit the products to the owners.
(In english they always talk about "on the other hand". For example:
I'd like to eat out, but on the other hand I should be trying to save money.
When we want to use this structure, what's on the other hand, is completely different from the one mentioned.
I don't know if your structure is true or not, but I think I've never seen such structure. We have to ask an expert.)
Hence, it results in decreasing twofold (a twofold decreasing in) environmental degradations in today’s modern life: traffic and air pollution. For instance, the computer shop delivers four orders utilizing one car instead of four costumers, (Which) each using (uses) their own car(I think it's better to end the sentence here and write the other sentence like this. - "In this way less car came out which lead to less traffic and of course less air pollution." - It's just a matter of shortening sentences. It helps too much. ) that means less traffic and air pollution.
Even more important, though, as online shopping is easier, people buy more products. As a result, the public demand for particular goods increases. The company employs more workers to compensate the high request of products. (This sentence here seems weird. Because at this paragraph we are armed to kill :D, you know what I mean, I mean when we are talking about negative sides of a phenomenon expressing a positive effect confuses reader. "when a company employs more worker", it mean more job opportunity, some positive effect. When we assign a paragraph for destroying some idea, don't write anything for bringing back hope to that :D ) Instantly the consumption of fuel and raw material rises, therefore utilizing the natural resources such as fuel, electricity, wood, wool, water, and lands will be increased.
Moreover, the way of communication and paying bills will be altered according to the purchasing method. A powerful online banking is required to maintain the money flow. Furthermore, in online shopping, products will be purchased from all over the world so that forming an organized transportation system is inevitable which a vast amount of job opportunity create. From another point of view, variety of currency will flow into the market. New system of internet banking with professional staff is essential.
Personal idea, I don't know if it's true or not :D, but I think if you've wrote job opportunity first and then talked about powerful bank system, and transportation, it will be seemed more like as TOEFL sample essays.
In the way of conclusion, although increasing of this trend helps decreasing in air pollution and traffic in cities, the negative effects on high demand on natural resources to be considered. Government has to maintain the roles to control the market on utilizing resources and support the job creating nature of this trend.
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Bitarof :D, I think your essay improved greatly. If you compare this essay with the essay you've wrote at the some days before you will see this changes. But I think there is still some ambiguity is your essays. You have to be happy that they are not many grammatical or vocabulary problems. I think the problem is in the way of conveying what you want to say.
Just remember that this essay is completely different from that one you've written last week. It means you have no problem in writing, it just a matter of self-confidence, organizing and some practices.
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Bbk_Agp
I'm new here and I like it ;-)
Joined: 07 Sep 2007
Posts: 27
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| #3 (permalink) Thu Jan 20, 2011 3:20 am effects/Discussion:increase in internet shopping and effects on environment |
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Bbk, really really good work. I am sure that Teacher Kitos will be very very proud of you if he knows your kindness and goodwill towards friends here. He must be glad to know you guys checking others'essays and taking care of each other. On behalf of Kitos, I thank you with all my heart. Happy and success be with you friend >:D<
Yours sincerely,
Nguyen-Kitos' henchman. ;-)
_________________
I'll be back. I'll miss you guys so much... See you soon... |
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 NguyenTrg
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 24 Nov 2010
Posts: 414
Location: Vietnam
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| #4 (permalink) Thu Jan 20, 2011 5:21 am effects/Discussion:increase in internet shopping and effects on environment |
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| NguyenTrg wrote: |
Bbk, really really good work. I am sure that Teacher Kitos will be very very proud of you if he knows your kindness goodwill towards friends here. He must be glad to know you guys checking others'essays and taking care of each other. On behalf of Kitos, I thank you with all my heart. Happy and success be with you friend >:D<
Yours sincerely,
Nguyen-Kitos' henchman. ;-) |
Thank you very much dear Nguyen
I really appreciate your kindness. You encourage me in great manner. I can't do Kitos's job, because I'm a learner just like my friends here. I hope my friends look at what I've written here and try to make it perfect.
We all miss Dear Kitos. We hope him recover. |
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Bbk_Agp
I'm new here and I like it ;-)
Joined: 07 Sep 2007
Posts: 27
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