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An integrated essay-The evidence to justify who the subject is in the painting



 
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please edit my essay and inform me about my score,thank you in advance,Ghassem | Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits. Do you agree?
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An integrated essay-The evidence to justify who the subject is in the painting #1 (permalink) Thu Jan 20, 2011 5:09 am   An integrated essay-The evidence to justify who the subject is in the painting
 

Please help me refine this essay. Thanks!

Topic:
An integrated essay-The evidence to justify whether the portrait in the painting is Jane Austen

The lecture claims that there is no convincing evidence to prove that the subject in the professional painting mentioned in the reading passage is an teenager Jane Austen. This clam contradicts with the viewpoints in the reading passage.

First, Austen's family's recognition may be wrong. There has been 17 years since Jane’s dead. Therefore, although the family endorsed the claim that the girl in the portrait is Jane, those family MEMBERS may have not seen her.

Secondly, the subject similar to Jane may be one of her cousins. Jane, born in a large and extend family, had many cousins, among which there were many teenagers when the portrait was painted. It is believed that the subject is Mary, one of Jane's relatives. This castS doubt to the assertion that the girl in the painting, resembling an adult Jane, is JANE herself.

Lastly, evidence shows that the date during the canvass was being used WAS not when Jane was a teenager. Humphrey was active during Jane was in the teenage, but the canvass was not used during that time. A staple on the painting indicated the canvass should be sold later than the period of Jane's teenage. However, the reading passage points out that the style of the painting belonged to Humphrey – a society portrait painter who is active during Jane's teenage and who may possibly be hired by Austen's family.

In sum, the professor, refuting the points made in the reading passage, contends that the evidence provided in the reading passage is questionable.

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Yecochi
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Joined: 18 Nov 2010
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Re: An integrated essay-The evidence to justify who the subject is in the paintin #2 (permalink) Sat Jan 22, 2011 12:20 pm   Re: An integrated essay-The evidence to justify who the subject is in the paintin
 

Yecochi wrote:
Please help me refine this essay. Thanks!

Topic:
An integrated essay-The evidence to justify whether the portrait in the painting is Jane Austen

The lecture claims that there is no convincing evidence to prove that the subject in the professional painting mentioned in the reading passage is an teenager Jane Austen. This claIm contradicts with the viewpoints in the reading passage.

First, Austen's family's recognition may be wrong. There has been 17 years since Jane’s dead. Therefore, although the family endorsed the claim that the girl in the portrait is Jane, those family MEMBERS may have not seen her.

Secondly, the subject similar to Jane may be one of her cousins. Jane, born in a large and extend family, had many cousins, among which there were many teenagers(,) when the portrait was painted. It is believed that the subject is Mary, one of Jane's relatives. This castS doubt to the assertion that the girl in the painting, resembling an adult Jane, is JANE herself.

Lastly, evidence shows that the date during the canvass was being used DID not COINCIDE WITH THE DATE OF Jane'S DEATH. Humphrey (WHO IS HE?) was A active/POPULAR(,) WHEN Jane was in the A teenage, but the canvass was not used during that time. A staple on the painting indicated the canvass should HAVE beEN sold later than the period of AFTER Jane's YOUTH. However, the reading passage points out that the style of the painting belonged to Humphrey – a society OF portrait painter(,) who is WAS A active/WELL-KNOWN during Jane's teenage YOUTH(,) and who may possibly be hired by Austen's family.

In sum, the professor, refuting the points made in the reading passage, contends that the evidence provided in the reading passage is questionable.

IT LOOKS LIKE A GRE ESSAY, BECAUSE YOU DID NOT MENTION WHERE DID YOU TAKE ARGUMENTS FROM. THE REASONS THAT YOU LISTED HERE MUST HAVE SOURCE. fOR EXAMPLE, ACCORDING TO THE LISTENING PART, .... ACCORDING TO THE PROFESSOR X IN THE LISTENNING PART, ....

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Remula
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Joined: 02 Jul 2010
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