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Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your children



 
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Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your children #1 (permalink) Mon Jan 31, 2011 22:08 pm   Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your children
 

Could you please correct my essay and give some advice. Thanks in advance.

Nowadays, computer skills are indispensable for the future generation. The whole world is connected through internet. But, we need to be careful when young children are using it. More than 65% of jobs need computer knowledge. We all know that computer is a great invention for the world, thanks to the inventor. We can do or acquire what we want by the easy way. This discovery has made a big impact to our life style and opened a large portal to explore.

For children, it is an attractive thing. They are using for their study, but more than 75% for playing games on their own or with online players. By dint of playing like this, they can become a hooked follower on it or it can damage eyes and physical posture of the young child. On the other hand, they will start to pass lots of time on it instead to do their homework or just simply to read a book. Ten or fifteen years ago, children spent most of their time in a playground, park or on the street with others kids. At present, physical activities are gradually decreased and sitting in front of the monitor becomes a habit. This is also a reason why obesity is considerably increased. Then, this is dangerous for children who are chatting online, they don’t know with whom they are having a contact. By this way, they could adapt other people bad activities and life style in their own life. Next, we all know that paedophile try to have link with innocent youngest through internet, so this one more thing that we need to be careful. At last, some of the children are unable to differentiate between virtual and real life.

Computer has got advantages and disadvantages like other invention. So, the only thing that parents can do for their children is to supervise when kids are using it. Make sure that, they are not overuse. And finally, parents must ensure that children learn to enjoy other kinds of activities safely.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which is a characteristic of realistic landscape paintings?
Fas
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 03 Feb 2010
Posts: 45

Re: Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your chil #2 (permalink) Wed Feb 02, 2011 6:35 am   Re: Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your chil
 

Fas wrote:
Could you please correct my essay and give some advice. Thanks in advance.

Nowadays, computer skills are indispensable for the future generation. The whole world is connected through internet. But, we need to be careful (,)when young children are using USE it. More than 65% of jobs need computer knowledge. We all know that computer is a great invention for the world, thanks to the inventor. We can do or acquire what we want by IN the easy way. This discovery has made a big impact to ON our life style and opened a large portal to explore. THE INTRODUCTION IS NOT SUCCEESFUL! AT FIRST LIST YOUR REASONS IN THE INTRODUCTION, THEY EXPLANE THEM IN THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS!

For children, it is an attractive thing. They are using USE IT for their study, but more than 75% for playing games on their own or with online players. By dint of playing like this, they can become a hooked follower on OF it (,)or it can damage eyes and physical posture of the young child.

On the other hand, they will start to pass /spend lots of time on it instead to OF doING their homework or just simply to read a book. Ten or fifteen years ago, children spent most of their time in a playground, park or on the street with others kids. At present, physical activities are gradually decreased(,) and sitting in front of the monitor becomes a habit. This is also a reason why obesity is considerably increased.

Then, this is dangerous for children who are chatting online, they don’t know with whom who they are having a contact. By this way, they could adapt TO other people'S bad activities and life style in their own life. Next, we all know that paedophileS try to / GET IN TOUCH with innocent YOUNG PEOPLE through internet. So this IS one more thing ANOTHER FACTOR that we need to be CONCERNED ABOUT. At last, some of the children are unable to differentiate between virtual and real liVeS.

Computer has got advantages and disadvantages like other invention. So, the only thing that parents can do for their children is to supervise(,) when kids are using it. Make sure that, they are not overuse. And finally, parents must ensure that children learn to enjoy other kinds of activities safely.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which is a characteristic of realistic landscape paintings?


SEPARATE REASONS FROM EACH OTHER! READ MORE TIPS AND ESSAYS!
GOOD LUCK!
Remula
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Joined: 02 Jul 2010
Posts: 579
Location: Azerbaijan

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Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your children #3 (permalink) Wed Feb 02, 2011 14:40 pm   Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your children
 

Hi Remula, thank you very much for your corrections.

I have re-write this essay could you check it, please. Thanks.

Nowadays, children use computer for playing or for doing their homework. Spend too much time on the computer could affect young children health and it is also unsafe to leave them without unattended. However, computer skills are essentials for the next generation.

More than 65% of jobs need computer knowledge. We all know that computer is a great invention for the world, thanks to the inventor. We can do or acquire what we want in the easy way. The whole world is connected through internet. This discovery has made a big impact on our life style and opened a large portal to explore.

For children, it is an attractive thing. They use it for their study, but more than 75% for playing games on their own or with online players. By dint of playing like this, they can become a hooked follower of it or it can damage eyes and physical posture of the young child. On the other hand, they will start to spend lots of time on it instead of doing their homework or just simply to read a book.

This is dangerous for children who are chatting online, they don’t know with who they are having a contact. By this way, they could adapt to other people's bad activities and life style in their own life. We all know that paedophiles try to get in touch with innocent young people through internet. So this is another factor that we need to be concerned about. Then, some of the children are unable to differentiate between virtual and real lives.

Ten or fifteen years ago, children spent most of their time in a playground, park or on the street with others kids. At present, physical activities are gradually decreased and sitting in front of the monitor becomes a habit. This is also a reason why obesity is considerably increased.

In my conclusion, computer has got advantages and disadvantages like other invention. So, the only thing that parents can do for their children is to supervise when kids are using it. Make sure that, they are not overuse. And finally, parents must ensure that children learn to enjoy other kinds of activities safely.
Fas
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 03 Feb 2010
Posts: 45

Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your children #4 (permalink) Wed Feb 02, 2011 15:13 pm   Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your children
 

Fas, it's much better. However, take into consideration that you should approve or disapprove i.e. express positive or negative opinion on the topic. You provided readers with 3 reasons against computer usage and 1 for it, but your conclusion says that computer is dangerous, but useful. I mean if your main idea is it is beneficial and important for children you should have presented more reasons for its supporting.

Good luck!
Remula
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 02 Jul 2010
Posts: 579
Location: Azerbaijan

Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your children #5 (permalink) Wed Feb 02, 2011 17:04 pm   Using computer every day can have negative than positive effects on your children
 

Remula, thank you for your advice, I will try to apply in my next essay.

Take care, bye
Fas
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 03 Feb 2010
Posts: 45

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