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LIVING WITHOUT ELECTRICITY



 
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ESL Forum | Preparation for and help with the TOEFLŪ Test and essay samples collection
Dis agree Good teachers set challenging tasks for their student Could you check? | which inroduction paragraph is the best for my IELTS essay topic?why?
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LIVING WITHOUT ELECTRICITY #1 (permalink) Thu Feb 03, 2011 9:40 am   LIVING WITHOUT ELECTRICITY
 

Please, reviewing my essay.
Thank you so much.

LIVING WITHOUT ELECTRICITY

For years we live with electricity. This energy can help many things. Nowadays, almost all equipments that we use need electricity to run it. When we want to watch TV, we need electricity or when we want to use the elevator. Lamps, computer, cell phone and others need electricity.
Now, what happen when we can not get electricity again to support our life?. Obviously we have to find other resource and it needs time and hard work to introduce this new energy. So people can know it and use it.
Solar energy is number one option. Because, We live with the sun every year and it not to hard to process it into energy. The problem is not every country can get sun light all year. For tropical country, this energy is so perfect. But maybe if we try to use solar energy in North Pole, it is look impossible. For windy country, they can get energy from the wind. With a big fan which can move the generator to produce electricity.
We realize that sooner or later, we will lack our oil. It is very important for us to protect it. Maybe not every single person in this world will care about where we get our energy. So we need to tell them how to save the energy. Not for us but for our grandchildren and generation after that.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a physical science class
Novrirossi
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 25 Oct 2010
Posts: 26

Re: LIVING WITHOUT ELECTRICITY #2 (permalink) Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:53 am   Re: LIVING WITHOUT ELECTRICITY
 

Novrirossi wrote:
Please, reviewing my essay.
Thank you so much.

LIVING WITHOUT ELECTRICITY

For years we live with electricity. This energy can help many things NOT CORRECT! Nowadays, almost all equipments that we use need electricity to run it. NOT CORRECT! When we want to watch TV, we need electricity or when we want to use the elevator. Lamps, computer, cell phone and others need electricity.
Now, what happen when we can not get electricity again to support our life?. Obviously we have to find other resource and it needs time and hard work to introduce this new energy. So people can know it and use it.
Solar energy is number one option. Because, We live with the sun every year and it not to hard to process it into energy. The problem is not every country can get sun light all year. For tropical country, this energy is so perfect. But maybe if we try to use solar energy in North Pole, it is look impossible. For windy country, they can get energy from the wind. With a big fan which can move the generator to produce electricity.
We realize that sooner or later, we will lack our oil. It is very important for us to protect it. Maybe not every single person in this world will care about where we get our energy. So we need to tell them how to save the energy. Not for us but for our grandchildren and generation after that.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a physical science class


REASONS ARE GOOD, BUT THE ESSAY IS NOT WELL-ORGANISED + POOR GRAMMAR! READ A LOT ABOUT ESSAY WRITING AND IMPROVE YOUR GRAMMAR!
GOOD LUCK!
Remula
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 02 Jul 2010
Posts: 579
Location: Azerbaijan

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